Chapter 033: Promises Old And New

"Don't confide - lies to hide

Who maintains discretion

 (There's more to this than meets the eye)

I can see the different points of view

Hiding from the outside

The secrets showing through"

The World on Your Side - Jadis

     "And?" I said as the little creature returned from its mission.

     "There is something lying in her bed," it thwirped, "but I can't really tell who or what it is." Sigh. So much for straight answers. The little gargoyle thing hovered in front of my face awaiting further instructions.

     "Okay," I said, "wait just a minute." I found a scrap of paper and scribled down a few lines.

     "Here," I said to the creature, "deliver this to her room." It nodded once, took the note and flew straight out of the window. Well, it seemed that I wasn't leaving just yet. I returned to my own room and settled down with a book I had found on one of the shelves. No more than five minutes had elapsed, though, when my rest was disturbed by a knock at the door. Enter a very sleepy-looking Diana in a very skimpy nightgown. I hadn't expected her to answer my note right away, but here she was as if it had been a royal summons. She looked as if she could do with at least a few more hours of sleep, though.

     "Are you alright?" I asked, lowering my voice a bit for her benefit. Her expression spelled `hangover' in capital letters. She moved past me and slumped down on the bed.

     "No...," she groaned, "Oooooh, it's early!" With some difficulty she focused her eyes on me. "Are you going back to Amber already?"

     "No," I said, "I'm going to settle some business which should have been settled some time ago. I'm going to see Suzanne." At hearing that name Diana made an effort to sit up a little bit straighter.

     "Do you... Do you think I should come too?" she asked.

     "Well, actually I think that it might be better for me to see her alone first."

     "Alright," Diana said and slumped down again.

     "I felt you ought to know, though," I continued. "I can't really promise anything; I simply don't know what she will want to do when she learns the truth."

     I thought I saw Diana give an understanding nod, but as I looked closer I found that she had already fallen asleep again. I smiled and drew the sheets up to keep her warm. One final goodbye kiss on her cheek and I was ready to leave.

     As I moved to the door, however, there was a knocking outside. I opened it and to my surprise I found Adrian standing on my doorstep.

     "Good morning," he said, "if you don't mind I've got a little question you can answer for me."

     "Is it very important?" I asked with a sigh.

     "Yes," he said, glancing at my pack, "it's about Rhiane."

     "Hasn't she been found yet?"

     "No, it appears she has been kidnapped by some people dressed in orange masks, just like the one you told me about." Que? What the hell did Rhiane have to do with those clowns? My thoughts immediately turned to Aradia, but no matter how I looked at it, I couldn't see any clear connections. I suddenly became aware of the fact that Adrian might just be able to make out Diana's sleeping form in my bed. Better that he not saw who it actually was.

     "Okay," I said, "let's move to your room and talk." He shrugged and led the way. In his room I sat down facing him and considered his news for a while before speaking.

     "Well, well, well," I said, "people in orange robes again." I looked at him sharply. "What exactly do you expect from me?" I asked.

     "Do you know anything else about them, besides what you've already told me?"

     "Not really, no. I haven't the faintest idea who they are supposed to be working for. I did meet them one more time, but that was under rather different and unusual circumstances. It was during my visit to Tir-na Nog'th." I proceeded to tell him of my short encounter with Murlas-as-a- wriggling-blob and those guys in orange.

     "Oh, perfect!" Adrian exclaimed as I finished my story. "So there is some kind of connection between them and Murlas?"

     "Possibly," I said, "but it's not really certain. I guess there is one person who could tell us more about all of this if she wanted to." He looked at me expectantly. "Sand," I said and saw his face fall.

     "Oh, brilliant," he muttered. I nodded and returned his wry smile.

      We didn't talk for much longer after that; I wanted to leave for Earth, and there wasn't much more I could come up with to help Adrian. I had decided I wasn't going to tell him about my Trump contact with Aradia the night before. I wasn't too sure that he would be able to keep it from Murlas if he talked to him, so why take unnecessary risks? I wished him good luck with his search for Rhiane, though; I had a feeling he would need it.

     "Yeah, good luck to you as well," he said, "wherever you are going. No, don't tell me. It's probably a lot easier if I don't know. I don't even want to know right now! Later, much, much later you can tell me everything, with lots and lots of wine!" I laughed at his outburst, recognizing a lot of his feelings there. We were really learning to put all of our personal problems first, as is right and proper for a true Amberite.

     I left castle Galoria on foot, amid several other guests eager to get back to their separate homes. Slowly I started shifting my way towards Earth, taking my time while going over what I was going to say to Suzanne when I finally saw her again. After a while I realised, however, that there was no way to figure out the best way to broach the whole matter with her, so I started stepping up my pace somewhat. A couple of hours shifting later I found myself on the tube heading towards Picadilly Circus. I wore blue jeans, heavy shoes, a t-shirt and a leather jacket. The wallet in my pocket contained all the right papers and at least enough money to last me a week in London, if need be. As I left the underground station and stepped out onto the crowded street, I somehow felt a bit as if I was returning home from a long journey. Earth would always be a bit of a home away from home, I guess.

     It turned out to be a very dusty and neglected home, though, and I spent the remainder of the morning cleaning up and airing my apartment. Nothing interesting in the mail, just a lot of junk-mail and offers to buy cheap cd's. It reminded me of what Elayne had said about hearing an album about Amber back on Earth. After the place had been turned into something liveable in again, I went out and bought some music magazines at a kiosk. Nothing of interest there, but at one of the large music stores in Oxford Street I found a cd titled "In the Shadows" by the group Morpheus Dreams.

     Suzanne's group.

     I bought the album and returned to my apartment, put the cd in the player and shivered as I heard the first notes of the opening number "Amber". The music was very beautiful, with deep and moving lyrics. The chances that anyone here on Earth would think that what Suze was singing was actually the truth were pretty slim, but they contained a lot of references to her experiences with me and my Family, and I realised that anyone of my relatives might easily catch the hidden meanings. I didn't think, however, that anyone would stop and listen carefully to some obscure rock group when they were passing through.

     When the music reached its end, I sighed and grabbed my coat again. Enough delays, time to see the lady herself. I left my apartment and started walking to Suzanne's. The weather was fine, and although it was quite a long walk I preferred seeing something of the city to a quick trip on the tube. I hadn't walked for more than two streets, though, when I got the creeping feeling that someone was paying a lot more attention to me than usual. I was being followed! Who the...? I surreptitiously tried to catch a glimpse of my pursuer in reflecting shop-windows, but no such luck. This guy was very good! If it even was a guy; for all I knew it might as well be a woman who was on my trail. I guess it wouldn't even be that much of a surprise if it was; with me trouble usually comes in the shape of a woman.

     I decided to lead him or her into a somewhat more enclosed environment, where I might have a better chance at spotting my mysterious pursuer's identity. So much for sightseeing London I guessed, I would take the tube after all. I got on board at Leicester Square, taking the northbound Picadilly. I could sense that my pursuer had boarded the train behind me, so between stations I started concentrating on the Pattern, with the idea of pinpointing him or her this way. It turned out to be a him. I couldn't get a straight look at him, but I knew where he was, and when I got off at Russell Square I knew that he was still behind me.

     In the meantime I had been puzzling over my pursuer's identity. I immediately discarded the notion that it might be some simple robber or something: they're usually not this persistent. No, this guy was specifically following me, which implied that he knew my identity. Question was which of my identities did he know? Was he following Dorian Grey, rich and somewhat mysterious young man with a tendency of going away on rather long journeys, or was he after Dorian, son of Deirdre of Amber? I had the nagging feeling that the latter might well be the truth. Sigh! Why don't people just leave me alone?

     On the lift to the surface I concentrated again. Yes, he was in here somewhere beside me. My eyes drifted over the other people in the lift: a mother with two children, two businessmen in suits, three very loud Italian tourists and, finally, a lone man in a long raincoat. His attention seemed to be focused on the Italians, but I sensed that he was keeping an eye on me all the time. His hair was blond and his eyes were a bright blue. I had never seen him before and didn't have a clue as to who he might be.

     A confrontation of some kind was in order. As the doors opened I was the first to step outside. Quickening my pace to a brisk walk, I headed into the nearest side street. No people there. Good. Just before entering the street I broke into a run, but I stopped right away waiting for my pursuer to try and catch up with me. Sure enough, a moment later he came walking into the street. He looked surprised as I stepped in front of him, but his expression didn't betray his purpose in any way. He just acted as if he didn't know me and wanted to continue on down the street. I had other plans, however. As he scanned my face our eyes met and I made contact, sending a fierce probe his way.

     Oww! This guy was strong! Certainly not a mere Shadow dweller. I quickly threw up some defenses of my own and continued working on him. After a minute or two it appeared that we had reached a stalemate. I seemed to have the upper hand in the conflict, but he was to strong for me to really do anything. I noticed little droplets of sweat forming on his brow. Maybe I could wear him out. If I didn't wear myself out first.

      I kept a firm grip on his mind and just waited for him to succumb. Minutes past with nothing happening. Then suddenly his leg shot out quick as lightning, and I felt a sharp pain in my right knee which nearly broke my concentration. I gritted my teeth and kept holding on, though. He was not getting away that easily! His mind twisted and squirmed in my grab, then I felt him lunging towards me. I realised that he might well break through my defenses at this point, but if I were to strengthen them, he might be able to break loose. I decided to take the risk.

     Next moment I felt him worm his way inside. I was prepared for the worst, but instead I only heard his voice in my mind saying: "Okay, okay,let's talk about it." Immediately after that he withdrew a bit. I loosened my grip a little, he withdrew some more, and so on and so forth, until we finally broke contact. Wiping the sweat from his brow he grabbed a cigarette, offering me one as well, which I declined.

     "Alright," I said when I got my breath back, "so talk." He looked at me with a speculating eye.

     "Wow!" he said. "You're a lot stronger than I imagined."

     "Apparently you know a lot more about me than I know about you," I observed. He shrugged.

     "Well, your identity wasn't that much of a problem. Finding out about that was easy enough." I suddenly got an insight that he meant my identity here on Earth. Who the hell was this guy? I concentrated on the Pattern and got a good look at him. I noticed that he felt that I was doing something, but that he didn't really know what. It made him rather nervous, though.

     Well, surprise, surprise! Another relative! With no sign of Pattern, though, and from everything I had seen I'd say that he didn't even know what or where Amber was. Why do I keep running into these people? Right away I started mentally going over the whole story I was going to tell him. First I wanted to find out why he had been following me, though.

     "Are you some kind of detective?" I asked.

     "No," he said, "my interest in you is not of a professional nature, it's more personal."

     "Why the interest then?"

     "Can't you guess?"

     "Let's say I can't."

     "Alright, I'm looking for a relative of mine, and you are the last person she was seen with before her disappearance." Oh damn! Elayne! I should have made the connection earlier on. I gave him a knowing smile.

     "Perhaps we should find some place where we can sit down and talk," I suggested.

     "Okay," he said, "lead the way."

     Five minutes later we were sitting at a table in one of those typical English pubs. My new relative didn't let me get out of his sight at any time, and I also noticed that he kept checking me for weapons or other stuff. But then, out of habit, I was also doing the same thing with him. Now that we weren't fighting anymore, he did seem to be rather a nice guy, though I knew I shouldn't underestimate him. His clothes were of good quality, but only a few details like his expensive-looking Rolex watch seemed to indicate that he was quite well-off. He also made quite a scene of ordering his drink, choosing a rather obscure-sounding ale. Something about the way he talked kept nagging at me, though. His accent seemed to be standard British, but now and then there was something strange about it.

     "Well, here we are," I said when the barman had delivered our drinks. "You know it might help our conversation if I know who I'm talking to."

     "My name is Charles Grant," he said.

     "Mine is Dorian, but I guess you already know that." I deliberately left out my phoney surname.

     "It is indeed the name I had come up with."

     "You said you were looking for a relative of yours?"

     "That is correct, yes." I looked at him with a studied expression, urging him to elaborate. "Her name is Elayne Potts. She's about seventeen years old." There was a slight hint of annoyance in his tone, saying that he knew perfectly well that I already knew all of this.

     "So it's indeed Elayne we're talking about," I said.

     "Why have you kidnapped any more relatives of mine recently?" Charles asked with slightly raised eyebrows.

     "I don't think so, but then I didn't kidnap Elayne either. However, from my conversations with her I can't remember ever hearing the name Charles Grant." He brushed this aside as if it weren't relevant.

     "Let's just say that I'm a rather distant relative of Elayne's, but one with a specific interest in her well-being."

     "Just how distant is this relation between the two of you?" I wanted to know. He seemed to find this a rather impertinent question.

     "Mr. Grey, I do think we have other things to talk about than distant family relations, don't you?"

     "I wouldn't say that," I said. "I wouldn't say that at all."

     "The first thing I want to know is where she is at this moment," Charles continued.

     "I've left Elayne under the care of one of my aunts," I said.

     "Wrong!" Charles interjected sharply. I looked at him enquiringly. "Unless your aunt lives in Never Never Land, I think that wat you're saying is highly improbable. I've been able to trace Elayne's whereabouts to France, where she was last seen in your company. After that she simply disappeared without a trace. You must understand that I'm not saying that you have killed her, but I don't rule it out either." There was a clear threatening undertone in his voice. Great, I find a new relative and I immediately antagonize him.

     "I assure you," I said earnestly, "that Elayne was alive and well when I last saw her, and I have no reason to believe that she might not be so at this moment. If you really care for her that much, though, you should have taken the trouble to free her yourself from that French mansion I found her in." He looked at me intently, as if he were trying to fathom my thoughts. "She had already been there for several days when I arrived on the spot," I added.

     "It took me some time to get there," he admitted grudgingly. I got the feeling he was holding something back, though. I took a sip from my beer and kept looking at him in silence. He was a hard one to read with that strong mind of his, but he lacked some practice. He was indeed holding something back. Did he perhaps know something about Elayne's imprisonment that I didn't?

     "You do maintain that Elayne is with your aunt, however?" Charles asked after a minute or two.

     "Indeed I do," I said. "That is, as long as Aunt Flora manages of course. I guess she's used to a lot of things, but..." I let my voice trail off and grinned at him, implying something of Elayne's nature. Charles didn't rise to the bait, though.

     "Then I would like to have your aunt's address please," he said. Okay, so much for fooling around.

     "She's in Amber," I said. There was no reaction from Charles. Not that I had thought there would be, but you can never be too certain. He frowned.

     "And where might that be?" he asked.

     "Everywhere and nowhere," I said. "It all depends on how you look at it. It's a rather long and complicated story," I added.

     "I've got lots of time," Charles said grimly.

     "Enough time to take a trip to Amber yourself?" I asked. "I assume that you want to see Elayne personally."

     "I would like to, yes. But where do you want to go? And do you intend to leave right away?"

     "As I said, we're going to Amber. I'll explain everything on the way there. It's a lot easier that way."

     "Is it far away?" he asked. He was still a bit surprised by my sudden intention to travel.

     "Rather far, yes," I said.

     "Then won't I need to bring some spare clothes or something?"

     "Oh no, that won't be necessary. Come, let's go." I stood up and made to leave, but Charles halted me.

     "Wait a minute," he said, reaching into his pocket. He took out a small sketchpad and after a moment of hesitation he flipped to a certain page and showed it to me. "Do you know this person?" he asked.

     The picture on the page was a damned good likeness of my Uncle Caine. Slowly, but deliberately I sat down again, keeping my eyes on the page. Only then I glanced up at him again.

     "He might be familiar," I replied guardedly. "Why?"

     "So you're in this together." Charles conluded.

     "Me colaborating with him?" I burst out. "You've got to be kidding! But he is somehow involved in all of this?"

     "I'm relatively certain of it," he said.

     "In what way, if I might ask?" For a moment Charles seemed to be considering how much he could tell me, but then he reached a decision.

     "Until recently I was staying in the United States," he began. "When I was in New York I noticed that some people were following me. I have some experience in these matters as you have seen." I smiled as I thought back to the skill with which he had followed me earlier this afternoon. "Anyway, there were several people on my trail, and although they were rather good I still managed to turn the tables on them. I followed them back to their employer." He indicated the drawing of Caine. "When he heard that they had lost track of me, he just shrugged and said that it didn't matter that much, because they had already located someone else. I had certain reasons..." He hesitated a moment, then continued: "To believe that they were talking about my relative Elayne. I immediately departed for the  U.K., where I traced Elayne's whereabouts to Sellafield. I lost track of her there, as if she had disappeared altogether, only reappearing once in France in your company, before vanishing again. My investigations in France gave me reasons to believe that this man was indeed responsible for Elayne's kidnapping. That is the reason why I don't like your story, for if he really needed one of us so badly, then why did he let Elayne go that easily? Unless, of course, you are in this together." He fell silent and regarded me expectantly.

     "I understand your distrust," I said, "but I can assure you that there's absolutely nothing that I am in with together, and certainly not with him. You are right, though, in assuming that I know him. His name is Caine and he is an uncle of mine. I have to tell you that up till now I honestly didn't expect that he had anything to do with all of this."

     "You could of course tell me how you yourself came to be involved," Charles suggested.

     "Alright. I was there in France to run an errand for my Aunt Flora. She had left some valuables im a mansion over there, and I had agreed to get them for her. To my surprise I found Elayne there, who was a prisoner in that house. Since there was nobody else there, I took Elayne with me after I had found the stuff I had come for. I couldn't just leave her there, could I?"

     "Who was that red-headed lady that was seen with you?" Charles asked.

     "That's something I haven't totally figured out myself yet," I said, "but she seemed to be more interested in me than in Elayne." Fortunately he seemed to accept this answer. I didn't really want to explain my own confusion about Tizzy to him, with all the problems that might entail.

     "So according to you it was all a mere coincidence that you met Elayne there," he concluded.

     "It was for me," I said, "but I'm not ruling out the possibility that I've been shamelessly manipulated in this matter."

     "And why do you think your uncle is after us?"

     "Well, I can't say for certain, but I think that you yourself might be able to think of some reasons why you and Elayne are more interesting than normal people." There was no way he could mistake the slight stress I placed on `normal'.

     "Perhaps I can," he said, "but I think it would be interesting to hear which way the wind blows this time."

     "This time?" I asked him with a slight frown, but he just smiled non-committally. "Oh well," I continued, "it's all got to do with family. If I may be so bold, how old are you, Charles?"

     "How old do you think I am?" he replied cautiously.

     "You look like someone in his late thirties, but I know how deceiving looks can be."

     "According to my passport I'm forty-one," he said with a wide grin.

     "Yes," I said, mirroring his expression, "I guess that's just about as old as Caine's passport would have him be."

     "And how old are you, if one might ask?"

     "Somewhere around twenty-five I believe."

     "You believe? Why don't you see what it says on your passport?"

     "Oh, I don't really keep track of what it says on my passport this time." We kept grinning at each other for a little while longer, before Charles became more serious again. He nodded at me.

     "I didn't know whether there were any more of us around," he said.

     "And we didn't know that you were around either. That is, most of us didn't know I guess."

     "From your words I seem to gather that there are a lot more like us?" I did some quick calculations.

     "I estimate that there currently are some thirty of us around," I said.

     "Thirty!" Charles was quite surprised by this number. I wondered how long he had been searching for other people like him.

     "I don't think, however," I said, "that you would have been able to find us that easily here on Earth. While it's true that some of us choose to spend some time here now and then, most of the others usually spend their time elsewhere. That's also the reason why you haven't been able to find Elayne." Charles nodded a bit hesitantly. At least he seemed to be more open for these things than Elayne had been.

     "For a long time I have suspected that there was something not quite human about our bloodline," he said. "At one time I had a doctor do some tests with my blood. Unfortunately, he was very enthusiastic about it, so I had to force him to stay quiet about the whole affair."

     "Do you perhaps know who your parents are?" I asked.

     "Funny," he replied, "I was just about to ask you in which way we are related." I sighed, but he quickly continued: "I do remember my father, but at a certain point early in my life he disappeared. Later I gathered from all the rumours that were circulating that he had also appeared to live a lot longer than normal folk. He seems to have used a lot of covernames. I do have a sketch of him, though. Is there any chance that you might know who he is?"

     "Could very well be," I said. He nodded and leafed back to the first page of his pad. It was a very good portrait of Corwin. Yes, of course! That was the reason why Caine had wanted one of them in his clutches. I counted back and it fit. It had been just at the time when the whole matter of Corwin's Pattern was at its crucial point. I looked up at Charles who was looking at me with an expectant expression.

     "Under what name did you know him?" I asked.

     "He called himself Winston Cordell." I nodded.

     "His name is Corwin," I said, "and he is another one of my uncles. Which makes us cousins. He spent a very long time here on Earth with amnesia and returned but a few years ago to Amber." My words seemed to have dragged Charles's thoughts back to his past life.

     "I was never able to find him," he said after a while. "I couldn't understand why he didn't want to talk with me. It's an unique experience, becoming a parent. Why didn't he want to share it, though?" He sighed and made an effort to shrug away the pain. "I was born in 1838," he continued in a more level tone. "At that time my parents were still married, but their marriage didn't work out, and when I was six my father left. I suspected he went to America, but I never knew for sure. I always resented his decision to leave me behind, though, but perhaps his way was best. My eldest son Alan ended up committing suicide. I tried my very best to prepare him for his life to come, and I always thought he would be able to handle it. Apparently he wasn't. My second child was a daughter, Patricia. I decided to be more careful with her; let her figure out as much as she possibly could for herself before telling her the truth. I don't think she ever got as far as that, however. She died in World War II. I always kept my eye on her, but I would only have introduced myself if it really had become necessary. As I said, she died before that necessity arrived. She left one daughter behind: Eve, Elayne's mother. I adopted the same approach with her as I had done with Patricia, but she also died young. The report said that it was a car accident, but I'm not so sure about that. Now there is only Elayne."

     "And now, all of a sudden, here the lot of us appear in your lives," I added. "Of course I can't presume to speak for Uncle Corwin, but I think that he must have believed that you were dead."

     "It's possible," Charles admitted. "I did stage my own death a couple of times. At a certain point certain kind of agencies become very interested in you. I think Eve's death resulted from this kind of interest, but I'm not sure." He sighed once more and smiled weakly. "It's the first time in all these years that I've told anybody this much about myself. It's a bit strange. But tell me, who is your father?" I laughed out loud.

     "My father is Vilcon Harolan, a baron in Amber," I explained to him. "It's not through him that we are related, though, but through my mother Deirdre. She is a full sister of both Corwin and Caine."

     "Can I interpret your usage of the term full sister correctly here?" he asked. I nodded and by means of my Trumps introduced him to the Family at large. He was of course quite surprised by the cards, with all those swords and uniforms.

     "No," he said after seeing a few of his uncles, "these don't look like they're forty-one either."

     I shuffled through the cards until I found four specific ones: Corwin and Charles's three half-brothers. He was very silent as I told him who they were.

     "Hmm," he said finally, "brothers... I've got three brothers?"

     "Yeah," I said. "As far as I know both Alexander and Adrian date from before the time that Corwin lost his memory. Merlin was the result of certain things that went on right after he returned to Amber." I could see that Charles was impressed. This was more than he had ever expected. That's why I wished that there would be a happier truth for him when he asked me why Caine had been so interested in him and Elayne.

     "Look," I said, "that's a long story and it's already getting late. Perhaps I'd better explain this over dinner." He agreed and we found a nice little restaurant nearby where we satisfied our hunger for food with a quite elaborate meal and I satisfied Charles's curiosity with the whole story of Amber, the Pattern, Chaos, the Patternfall War, and so on and so forth. Then I skipped some parts till I came to the recent crisis over Corwin's Pattern.

     "There's one easy way to destroy a Pattern," I told him cautiously, "and that is by using the blood of the one who drew it, or that of any of his offspring." Just as I had thought this news somewhat curbed Charles's enthusiasm at finding his true family. "But you don't have to worry," I hastened to add, "for all that stuff is over and done with. In the end Alexander tried to destroy Corwin's Pattern himself." Charles looked even more shocked than earlier. "It nearly worked too," I continued, "but Coral managed to repair it, though it cost her her own life." I couldn't stop the hint of sadness from creeping into my voice. "Anyway, Corwin has decided that his Pattern needs a kingdom to protect it, just as in Amber, so Adrian is becoming the first king there." Charles contemplated this news for a moment, then he grinned.

     "So that makes me Prince Charles, does it?"

     "I guess it does," I said, "but you're much better looking than that other guy."

     Somehow we managed to let the end of our meal coincide with the restaurant's closing time. After the staff had ushered us outside, Charles heaved a sigh and said: "It's quite a story you told me."

     "What do you want to do now?" I asked him, as we started walking down the street.

     "I'm still a bit worried about Elayne," he confessed. "If the Family really has a tendency to just kill off anybody, then do you believe that she is quite safe over there? I know I have a lot of relatives now, but she is my only remaining descendant."

     "I shouldn't worry too much if I were you. At the moment she is in Amber where several of our relatives can keep an eye on her. Nothing will happen to her over there, I assure you."

     "I guess you're right. Now that several people in the Family know of our existence, it won't matter that much anymore, if I have understood you correctly. In that case it's even better to stay in the limelight. How did Elayne react to this whole story?"

     "At first she was a bit hard to convince," I said with a broad grin, "but after I had shown her a few things she was prepared to listen to me."

     "Well, you can say a lot of things about Elayne, but gullible is not exactly the first word that comes to mind."

     "She has some trouble adapting to her new life," I said.

     "Adapting isn't her strong suit either, I'm afraid, or at least only in certain ways." We fell silent for a while, each pondering the implications of the things we had learned.

     "I must confess that you have put me in a rather awkward dilemma," I said finally.

     "Pray tell," Charles replied.

     "Well, before Corwin and Adrian decided to start their new kingdom things would have been easy: I would just have taken you to Amber and that would have been all. Now, however, as a son of Corwin you're sort of faced with a double heritage, and I fear that this is going to imply a certain choice on your part. In other words: am I going to take you to Amber or to Sherwyn?"

     "If I understand this situation correctly," Charles said thoughtfully, "then there are a lot of commitments that I'm going to have to make. I think I would prefer to have the time to make my own decision on the matter, without people trying to sway my sympathies either way. Do people know that Elayne is a descendant of Corwin?" I shook my head. "Didn't Caine reveal this information?"

     "No, Caine hasn't said a word about any of that. Had he done that, he would have admitted in a way to knowing about you and Elayne and your heritage for a much longer time. No, I saw that Elayne was Family, just as I saw that you were too, earlier on. That's why I took her to Amber." Charles considered this for a moment before speaking again.

     "What would you say," he began, "if I were to ask you to take me to Amber without revealing that I'm Corwin's son? You only have to tell them that I'm related to Elayne."

     "Well, it's alright by me, but how good are you at keeping secrets?"

     "How good would you be if you have been at it for more than one hundred and fifty years?" he replied a bit indignantly.

     "You misunderstand me," I said. "As you have noticed, all of us have a certain degree of sheer mental power. Some of your relatives are very strong in that area, and they can sort of pick things up just by being around you. You've got a lot of experience, but some of them have ten times as much or even more. I don't mean to scare you away, but I thought you should know."

     "I see," he said. "Will they be able to tell that I'm a son of Corwin right away?"

     "No, I don't think so, but I should be careful with thinking about it if I were you. And there's another thing you must realize."

     "And that is?"

     "Caine. He already knows about your heritage, and the fact that I'm bringing you to Amber after first bringing Elayne will certainly make him suspicious."

     "Hey, I don't mean to keep it a secret forever! I only want to get a clear view of the whole situation before making a decision. From what I've heard I'd say that there's a quite a bit less pressure on new Amberites of unknown descent. My father chose to leave me behind when I was six, probably because he thought that I should just try and fend for myself. So, you see that I just want some time to think, before I'm going to help him with this situation where he should be able to fend for himself. And besides, if his Pattern is really such a source of tension and strife in the Family, I don't want to present myself as yet another way of getting rid of that thing. It's a clear matter of survival to me, and I'm not going to stop now after holding out for so long."

     "Okay," I said, "You've got a deal. Now, shall we take the scenic route or the short one?"

     "I'll leave that up to you I guess."

     "Do you have any objections to leaving right away, then?"

     "That sort of depends on whether it is for an extended period or not," he said. "If it is, there are some things I would like to take care of first, like financial matters and authorizations and such. I've handled such things before when I used to go abroad. In how much of a hurry are you?"

     "Well, there are a few things I'd like to take care of as well. How much time do you think you'll need?"

     "Not more than a day or two, I guess. And you?"

     "I'm not really sure," I said.

     "Should I think of days or weeks here?" he asked.

     "Oh, just days. I don't need that much time!" Charles reached into his pocket and handed me a little card with his name and address.

     "Here," he said, "just come round or call me when you're ready."

     "It's a deal," I said. We said goodbye and went home in separate cabs. It was much too late for my confrontation with Suzanne, and besides, I had other things to think of at the moment. Not that I did a lot of thinking when I got home. Sleeping yes, thinking no.

     Next morning I awoke rather early, so I watched most of the breakfast news while enjoying a nice cup of tea. There wasn't much else in the way of breakfast, really, since I hadn't bothered to go shopping. The news featured more or less the same old stories: scandal in the royal family, elections coming up and all that kind of stuff. It's a good thing there's no such thing as television in Amber.

     At about ten o'clock I grew bored and I headed for Suzanne's place, even though I knew that she would probably still be in bed, if she was even at home at all. As it was, I appeared to be in luck, for when I rang the bell to her apartment for the second time, someone pressed the buzzer opening the downstairs door for me. At the top of the stairs Suzanne was waiting for me, rubbing the sleep from her weary eyes. My appearance caught her completely by surprise and in her confusion she muttered something like: "Hi... ehm... Come in..." She was dressed in one of those oriental kaftan thingies.

     Inside I found that the apartment hadn't changed much, except for the stacks of books in her bookcase, most of them of a philosophical nature. I studied them for a moment while Suze emptied a couple of chairs of all the clothes she had dumped in them at one time or another.

     "Ehm," she began when she had finished, "do you want some coffee or tea?"

     "Tea please," I said, barely managing an uncertain smile. Damn! This was harder than I had thought it would be. I heard her rummage around in her kitchen a bit and thought of my best way of broaching the truth with her. I hadn't yet made up my mind when she returned, though. Oh, the heck with careful planning! Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead!

     "How are you?" I asked her. She sat down and glanced at me.

     "Oh, alright I guess," she said. "I'm working with the band again. We've released a second album and done some touring here and there."

     "Yeah, I heard the album," I said.

     "You did? What do you think of it?"

     "It's very good. Best thing you've done so far."

     "Well, I just had to get all that stuff out of my system, you know, and that seemed to be the best way. What about you?"

     "Ups and downs," I said. "Lots of problems with the Family." She nodded, then a spontaneous smile lit up her face.

     "Talking about family," she said, "when word got around that I had returned, my Aunt Lilly came by and guess what: she's made a one hundred and eighty degree turn somehow. She asked me when we we're planning on getting engaged and told me I should be happy with such a good match. What on Earth did you tell her?"

     "Well, ehm," I said, blushing a little bit, "I did indeed talk to her, but at that time she was more or less determined to hire a hitman to do me in. She was convinced that I had killed you or something. So I asked one of my aunts to have a little talk with her, with these results."

     "She must have been very convincing."

     "Yeah, very..." I could think of at least one way in which Aunt Flora might literally have changed Lilly Wyman's mind, and I realised that I might just do the same thing as she had if I ever ran into such a situation again. Funny how people can change in but a relatively short time.

     "So," Suzanne finally asked, "do you have any news?"

     "Yes, I do, although I'm not entirely sure how to tell you."

     "Try," she said, bracing herself for the worst.

     "Okay," I said, "the whole situation turned out to be even more complicated than I had thought." I told her about Deirdre, Caine and his plan of bringing her back. Then I mentioned the need for a female descendant of Deirdre and linked it with her own kidnapping.

     "But," she interjected, "our child was a boy, wasn't it?"

     "No. Caine told you that on purpose, so that I would be put on the wrong track." Suze fell silent, trying to cope with these facts. "He needed the girl to be of a certain age, though," I plunged on, "so he raised her in a fast-time Shadow. Then he found a wandering relative to bring her to Amber and get her to walk the Pattern. The irony of the whole thing was that I was that wandering relative. That daughter of ours is Diana, that same girl that was with me when I found you again."

     "Are you certain about this?" Suzanne exclaimed. She immediately saw that I was, though. "Then I've already met her," she gasped. "She's just as old as I am!"

     "I know that this is very hard on you," I gently said to her. "For a long time I was in doubt whether to tell you or not, but in the end I figured that I owed it to you to tell you the truth."

     "How... How is she?"

     "Okay in some ways, less so in others. She's having a hard time coming to terms with Amber and the Family."

     "I had been expecting all kinds of things, but never this. I mean, on the one hand I was afraid that my child was dead, but on the other I still had hopes that you would find him." She sighed. "Now it seems that I won't be raising a little child after all. I feel robbed in some way. Maybe it's better like this, I don't know. I still feel cheated, though. Do you understand?"

     "I do," I sighed. I really did, too. It was just the way as I had felt when I first found out the truth.

     "Does she know who her parents are?" she asked.

     "Yes, she does."

     "You didn't bring her, though." A slight hint of reproach in her voice.

     "No, I didn't. I wasn't sure how you would take it. If you like, though, I can bring her some time."

     "Yes," she said, "I would like to see her. I don't know whether it will work out. It might be very hard on all of us. All that weird stuff! I don't know how you can all bear it."

     "We survive," I said. The sound of water boiling in the kitchen saved me from having to make any more profound and philosophical observations on being an Amberite, though. As Suzanne went to take care of the tea a sudden idea hit me. Why not see if Diana was prepared to come over at this very moment? I took out my Trumps, found her card and started concentrating. I reached her somewhere in Shadow, riding a horse. I could have known, I guess.

     "Hi," I said. "I'm with Suzanne right now. I've told her about you being her daughter and she sort of would like to see you." Diana thought it over for a moment, before she nodded to me.

     "I'd like to come over," she said. "Is it alright if I bring my horse along?"

     "Ehm, no, I don't think that would be a good idea."

     "Okay, then I'll just Trump back to Amber and leave him there. I'll call you back when I'm done." End of contact. As if on cue Suzanne entered with the tea.

     "You'd better start looking for a third cup," I said. "I've just called Diana and she's on her way to join us." I showed her the Trump.

     "Jesus!" Suze exclaimed. "Couldn't you at least have warned me or something? Don't you realise the state this place is in? I've got to change into something else at least." With that she rushed out of the room. A moment later she returned wearing a tight black leather dress that seemed to belong to the Punk era.

     "I guess this is not motherly enough, is it?" she said. I burst out laughing. "Okay, okay, I'll find something else," she said and stormed out of the room again. When she remerged she had changed into a pair of jeans and a rather colourful blouse, that really seemed to be a bit to neat for the old Suzanne I remembered. I realised, though, that this Suzanne was at least several years older than the one I had known.

     Suze nervously fretted around the room, tryin to put it in a bit of order insomuch as was possible. Suddenly I felt a Trump contact: Diana.

     "Do you think I should change into something else?" she asked. "I've been out riding and all." Like mother like daughter, I guess.

     "No, no, it's alright," I said and extended my hand. Diana stepped forward into the room and looked around her. Suzanne's back was turned to us, though, and she hadn't noticed Diana coming through. I cleared my throat to get her attention and she swivelled round. Seeing Diana immediately stopped her dead in her tracks.

     "Ehm... Hi," she managed.

     "Hello," Diana said softly, a weak smile on her face. She appeared to think that this wouldn't do, though. She moved up to Suze and kissed her, with Suzanne hugging her in return. Only now I noticed that they were of exactly the same height and that their hair had the same way of curling. There were some other small similarities, but you had to know that they were related to see them. And of course Diana was slightly younger than Suze.

     I poured Diana a cup of tea and we all sat down at the table. At first the mood was rather tense, but Suzanne did her best to start a conversation. She told Diana everything that I had told her earlier and all her own hopes and fears. Diana responded by saying that she had never really had a mother, and that she was glad to have one now. She hoped that the real feelings of affection would soon follow.

     In many ways it was a typical first conversation, with both parties carefully probing and testing to see which way they would go. At a certain point the mood lightened, though, as if we had reached some kind of first marker. Diana confessed to a desire to see some more of Earth, so Suze invited her to stay with her for a while. I observed that it might be a good idea for Diana to pass herself off as my sister, or my cousin or something. The truth would be just too hard to explain.

     Later on I played "Into the Shadows" to Diana. It took a little bit of getting used to, but she said she kind of liked it. She'd better, if she were really planning on staying with Suze. She would most certainly drag Diana to one of their concerts.

     At five o'clock we went to the pub together, eating a bit, drinking a little, and talking a lot. Mike also showed up, and I finally got a chance to meet his girlfriend Maggie. I realised that I had really missed this kind of a thing: just going out with some friends, with no cares or worries on your mind.

     I learned that Suzanne managed to make some money now and then with some creative freelance work, like writing and designing. She appeared to have  some education in that field. Mike also worked more or less regularly. Carefully I broached the subject of money and me helping them get some extra finances. Most of my earlier help had gone into the production of their latest album and I felt they really could use some more. It wasn't as if they were well on their way of becoming quite famous yet. The matter was rather delicate, though, for while Suzanne would accept my aid, she still had her pride.

     I decided to do a little exercise in influencing Shadow probability. I first considered trying the lotto or something like that, but I realised I would have to be present for the drawing and I just didn't have the time. Instead I went to visit the casino the next day. At the end of the afternoon I walked out with a check of approximately two million pounds, which I brought round Suze's place. She was very impressed by my contribution. I had told her before that money wouldn't be a problem, but she hadn't really believed me I guess. She said she would probably invest the money to provide some kind of stable income for the whole group. This would give them some extra room for rehearsals and gigs.

     One thing I had noticed, however, in my effort to raise the money was that the probability here on Earth was rather hard to influence. Must be all those Amberites turning this Shadow into their favourite playground all the time. I still managed to influence things on a small level, but it cost me a lot of effort.

     During one of my conversations with Suze I mentioned those stacks of philosophical books in her apartment. She said that she had bought them in her search to find some kind of answer for what had happened to her. She hadn't found it, though. Most of those writers had their heads way up in the clouds, and there weren't any people among them with really helpful insights. It kept on fascinating her, however, and she was sure that she would do something more with it one day. Perhaps she could start her own religion or something.

     Finally, at the end of the second day, I decide it was time for me to leave. I still had to take Charles to Amber, and then there was someone else I also wanted to see again. Privately, I mentioned Charles to Diana. I told her about him being related to Elayne and gave her a short description of him. She remarked upon it seeming to be my calling in life to find lost Amberites and bring them home. I sincerely hoped she was wrong, although the thought had already cropped up before. I didn't want to spent the rest of my life as some kind of guide, though.

     Saying goodbye to Suzanne was an emotional affair, as usual. I kissed her and promised I would come and see her again. I certainly wanted to see the band perform live, I said, especially all that new material. There were tears in her eyes as I finally made my way down the stairs, and I couldn't help but think how different things might have been, if only... But there was no way of changing the present, and we could only live for the future. What once was would never be again, no matter how much we both might want it to be different. It's an uncomfortable feeling that even an Amberite has his limits sometimes.

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