Chapter 077: Surviving On Instinct

"Twisting and turning

Your feelings are burning

You're breaking the girl

She meant you no harm"

Breaking the Girl - Red Hot Chili Peppers

    It was a little over two weeks before Melusine returned to my cell once more. During this time I had cautiously tried to discover whether Fabian was indeed who I thought he was, and in a way the enigma had helped to keep me focused and sane during the long wait. However, since I had not wanted to divulge too much of my suspicions to him, I had failed to achieved any certainty in the matter. There was only the growing sensation that it had to be true, for every new detail of his dreams that he relayed to me seemed to fit the things I knew of my uncle Brand. And there were other things, such as the surprisingly sharp and clever questions he suddenly would put to me and his increasingly regular dark moods that would leave him simply unwilling to speak to me at all. The more time passed, the less we spoke, and the more I became certain that my suspicions were true. I spent many an hour pondering the question what to do with him if I ever managed to get out of here. I knew the risks of bringing him back to Amber, at least I thought I did, but despite my initial reservations I felt ever more reluctant to leave him to his fate, even though this might mean incurring the wrath of such people as Caine and Deirdre. No, they wouldn't be happy to see their brother's return. And yet, and yet. We might need him, if the threat of the Wolves was genuine.

    Such were my thoughts when the sound of unexpected footsteps alerted me to Melusine's return. At first I was glad because I hoped that she had come to release me, but her rather tense and worried expression quickly dashed my hopes. She seemed to have a better grip on herself, though, than she had had during her previous visit, as if she had, at least for the moment, shelved her personal problems.

    "How are you doing?" she asked, looking me up and down. There was something slightly calculating in her look, I felt. I scratched my beard and shrugged.

    "I'll live. How about you?"

    "How am I doing...?" She snorted. "That's something I don't tend to dwell on too much lately."

    "Is that wise?" I asked her softly. She might have shelved her problems, but I could tell they were not yet resolved.

    "Wise? You tell me. I have made my choices..." She sounded wistful, but this clearly wasn't what was bothering her now.

    "Any word on how long I'm supposed to stay down here?" I asked with a sigh. She shook her head.

    "Mother hasn't been in touch." Suddenly she gripped the bars and moved her face closer to mine. "Listen," she said, "there's a problem. I've told you the original plan: you were to be released, unharmed, as soon as mother would have had time to arrange a couple of things. However... We're under attack."

    "We?" I asked.

    "Look," she insisted, her eyes flaring with annoyance, "you've got every right to think that I'm your enemy, that I'm the one that's keeping you prisoner, and I guess that in a sense I am... But I'm also the one that can take you home, and I really want to do so as soon as all's clear, so if you would just assume for a moment that I truly have your best interests at heart: yes, we are under attack." I held her gaze for one, two seconds, then relaxed.

    "Very well," I murmured. "We."

    "I just don't know what to do about it," she grumbled. "It was never her intention that anything should happen to you, but if I can't keep this place safe... You see, I don't know what they would do to the prisoners."

    "Who is mounting this attack?" I asked. I had little hope that it would be someone out to rescue me, seeing as how we were in an entirely different Reality, but if Melusine was serious about that `we', she should at least give me the facts.

    "I don't know. I think its something or someone local." I smirked; `local' could have various meanings in this context, but even if this Reality's Amberites or Chaosians were involved, I had little desire to fall into their hands. Melusine was at least right about one thing: she was the only ticket home that I could currently think of. "I believe they are keeping this place under surveillance," she went on. "It was never built to withstand any serious assaults. Its strength lies in it being well hidden and difficult to approach. Now that it has been discovered, though, we have a serious problem."

    "So, what are we going to do?" I asked, giving that `we' just a slight emphasis. There wasn't that much that I would be able to contribute from where I was standing. Melusine gave me an appraising look.

    "I could give you back your Trumps and let you out of here," she said softly. "Your chances will be better that way than if you should remain in your cell."

    "It would be an improvement, yes, but as you already pointed out yourself, I'm rather dependent on your good favours for getting back to our Reality, aren't I?"

    "You could of course help me," she ventured. "Even so, I don't believe we can hold this place, not even the two of us together. If you have any suggestions, I'd be glad to hear them."

    "You probably know more about this Reality than I do," I snorted, but I had to admit that the prospect of working together rather appealed to me. That and my imminent release, of course.

    "I haven't spent that much time around here," she replied.

    "And there isn't any other place where we might seek refuge, at least for a while?"

    "I suppose we can try to get away from here. I don't know how great or what kind of force is keeping an eye on us, but we just might be able to slip out unnoticed. There is a Nexus gate not far off, but I've checked it and for some reason it won't open. I fear there may be something wrong with it." Hmm, I didn't like the sound of this. Could be that the people who were closing in on us had fixed this gate so we wouldn't be able to use it to make our escape. If so, they would be a power to reckon with.

    "Are you able to move through Shadow in this Reality?" I asked.

    "A little, and not as swiftly or smoothly as when I'm using our Pattern. I've got an artifact that does the job. I guess it's not as elegant as all that, but it works, so I shouldn't complain."

    "How many guards are there around?"

    "Only six. This is only a small outpost. Mother didn't want this outfit to attract too much attention." Well, I could see now why she thought we wouldn't be able to withstand an attack, never mind the skill of Flora's agents.

    "These guards," I ventured, "are they expendable?"

    "They are very loyal to my mother," she replied levelly.

    "We could perhaps try and have them stage a diversion...?" She didn't need to think this over for very long.

    "I'll see what can be arranged," she said and without a further word she unlocked my cell door. It swung open with a creak and out I stumbled into the dim torch light. Free at last! Melusine frowned slightly as she stepped closer to hand me back my Trump deck and a sword to defend myself. I smiled. Yes, about three weeks without a bath had had its effect, and I dearly wanted to give myself a good shrubbing, and after that some new clothes. First we would have to get away, though, and there as still another matter that required our attention.

    "One question," I said. "What about him?" I nodded towards the door a little bit further down the hall that I believed marked Fabian's cell.

    "I honestly don't know why she keeps him locked up down here," Melusine sighed. "She's said nothing about him to me."

    Suddenly gripped by curiosity, I moved towards the door and with the aid of Melusine's torch I peered through the bars. According to Fabian's own reckoning he had been in there for nearly a year, so it was no surprise that he looked far more disheveled and dirty than I did. He regarded me warily, and his hair and beard were long and tangled, but there was a ruddy sheen to them, and he had approximately the right built. Yes, it could be him.

    "Do we want him to fall into the hands of the enemy, whoever that might be?" I asked softly.

    "It doesn't seem like a good idea," she said, "but I don't know what to do with him. I know why you are here, but I can't say the same for him." She hesitated. "I think I know who he looks like..."

    "Yes, so do I."

    "But I don't know which one he is. And I don't know what she had in mind for him."

    "I suggest we take him with us anyway," I said. He might become a burden, but I'd rather keep my eye on him all the same.

    "It's your decision," she said and unlocked his door too. I wondered about that a little, though; for some reason Melusine wasn't willing to take charge completely, making it come across more like a partnership, even though a few moments ago our roles had been that of jailer and jailed. Something of that earlier uncertainty still lingered in her, I guess, although she appeared a lot firmer and decisive when she was under a lot of pressure, as was the case at the moment.

    Fabian's footing as he slowly walked out of his cell was far from certain, and I realised that bringing him with us would indeed not be easy. He regarded Melusine and me in silence, apparently prepared to follow our lead for the time being.

    All three of us were alarmed when we suddenly heard the sound of weaponry in the distance. It would seem that the attack had already begun.

    "Damn!" Melusine muttered. "Too late after all." We both drew our swords and looked about us.

    "I suggest we try to get outside as soon as possible," I said. "Perhaps you could even start shifting through Shadow earlier." She thought for a moment, then started off into the right-hand direction of the corridor, Fabian and me hurrying to keep up with her. As the dark corridor curved gently inwards, I caught a faint glimmer of light that steadily grew stronger, until we reached a stretch where torches were set at regular intervals in brackets in the wall.

    Suddenly I heard the sound of running feet heading towards us, and before we had a chance to even think of finding a hiding place one of the guards appeared before us. He shot me and Fabian a suspicious glare and hissed something to Melusine in a language that I didn't understand. She appeared to ask him a few questions in the same tongue, which he curtly answered before running off again in the direction he had come from.

    "They're already occupying several levels," Melusine reported. "I think our best bet would be the rear entrance. There's a good chance that they've discovered that one too, though. They've been observing us for long enough."

    We continued along the corridor, which started to slope gently upwards until it ended at a spiral staircase. With Melusine in the lead and me in the rear pushing Fabian up along the stairs, we got to the top and into another corridor. Almost immediately a couple of unfamiliar guards appeared off to one side, and despite Melusine's best efforts to duck into a side corridor they spotted us and started the chase. While we were fleeing, I was surprised at how neat and regular they looked, more like someone's personal guard than like mercenaries or a group individual warriors. Their livery was black and silver and they each bore an emblem of a silver moon. That should have tipped me off, of course, but I was in too much of a hurry to think straight. And besides, they were gaining on us.

    Naturally, Fabian was the main problem. While three weeks in the cell had left me rather stiff and a bit out of shape, his whole year had weakened him to the point that simple things like running and climbing a flight of stairs had become a real effort for him. I stayed very close behind him, pushing him along and catching him whenever he was in danger of falling, but the truth remained that we simply weren't moving as fast as we should. The footsteps of the guards behind us drew ever nearer, and I was afraid to glance behind me, knowing that they would be nearer still. It soon became clear that there was nothing else for it: I would have to turn around and face them. Giving Fabian another desperate shove, I swivelled round and with sword drawn stood ready to keep the men at bay. As soon as I did this, however, the pursuing guards also halted and accosted me from a distance of but a few metres.

    "Halt!" one of them called, but they made no move to attack me so far. "In the name of Princess Deirdre, surrender! Where is Prince Corwin?" I regarded them in disbelief. My own mother's guard? No, I quickly realised, not my mother's, but this Reality's version of her, looking for their version of Corwin. I couldn't see my mother instructing her troops to be this chivalrous.

    We stood there regarding each other for a few moments, neither of us making a move towards the other. I sneaked a quick glance behind me and saw that Melusine had sensibly carried on down the hall. Fabian, however, was hesitating halfway between me and her, and only when I urged him on with my eyes did he turn and hurry after Melusine. I turned towards the guards once more, made as if to speak, meanwhile counting the seconds, and then suddenly turned and ran as quick as I could after the others. Even if these weren't my own mother's troops, I'd rather not fight them. Not in my current condition.

    "He's getting away!" I heard them shout behind me. "After him!"

    The prospects of an easy escape seemed slim, as I had only a little headstart, and they became even slimmer when my pursuers began throwing small yet viciously sharp metal discs at me. One nicked my arm, but I managed to dodge the others by irregularly zig-zagging to and fro. Breathing heavily, I reached the doorway that I had seen Melusine slip into. It led to another staircase and Fabian was clearly having difficulties with yet another set of steps. Again I tried to push and shove him on, but once again the guards were steadily gaining on us.

    There was nothing for it but to face them once more, and this time we were sure to come to blows. Fortunately, the stairs allowed only one or two of them to have a go at me at a time, and its twists also kept them from putting their throwing discs to use. I fought defensively, retreating up the stairs as much as I could, but also giving Fabian enough time to move on and increase his lead on the guards. I was glad, therefore, when Melusine returned and started dragging him away, for while I was holding my own on the stairs, I didn't feel this was something I would be able to keep up for very long.

    At the top the stairs opened to yet another corridor. From out of the corner of my eye I spied Fabian stumbling along to one side. I gave him just a few more seconds, holding the guards there at the top of the stairs, while anxiously looking around for something to throw in their path. As soon as we would enter the corridor they would gain the advantage, I knew, so I wanted something that would buy me enough time for me to make it round the next corner unharmed. A grim smile broke on my face. But a metre or two away a full plate armour stood slightly propped against the wall. It was probably more decorative than functional in nature, but one thing was sure: it was heavy. Estimating the distance and the time I would require to reach it, I suddenly lunged out at my opponents, taking them rather by surprise, for I had been on the defensive the whole time. They both stumbled back against their comrades, giving me just enough time to leap over to the armour and half drag, half haul it back to the stairs, where with a mighty push I threw it down on the unfortunate guards.

    I didn't wait around to see the results, but sped down the corridor, round the corner, and on and on. Suddenly the corridor ended in the middle of another one, and for a moment I hesitated which way to turn. There seemed to be sounds of running feet coming from the right, but as I glanced left I espied Fabian's grimy form, so I immediately hurried in that direction, only to realise that he was heading towards and not away from me. He had a lost and weary look about him. A glance back revealed Melusine, impatiently beckoning us to follow her. I cursed, grabbed Fabian, and dragged him with me in the other direction.

    Melusine was waiting for us beside a sturdy wooden door. As soon as we'd arrived, she flung it wide and stepped outside, into the open air. Finally, an exit.

    Unfortunately, Melusine's guess about this backdoor being guarded proved correct: there were two soldiers in the now familiar black and silver uniforms on the lookout, and as we emerged one of them immediately started sounding the alarm on his horn. Not for long, though. Melusine was in no mood for fun and games, and with a deft stroke of her blade she put a permanent end to the fellow's days as a musician. With only a hint of reluctance I followed suit and took care of the second guard. I didn't like harming any of Deirdre's people, even if she wasn't our Deirdre, but they just shouldn't get in the way.

    You may wonder why I didn't let myself be taken by her guards in the first place; after all, if I had to place my life in the hands of any of my relatives, I'd rather have it be my mother. But that was the problem here too: this Deirdre wasn't my mother, and despite the immediate similarities between them there might be too many differences. For all I knew, this Deirdre might never have had a son called Dorian, or she might never even have been affected by the Curse. Explaining such things would be too difficult, I feared. And then there was the simple fact that I couldn't count on her being able to return me to my own Amber, even if she did take kindly to a son from a different Reality. Melusine, on the other hand, could help me there, so I had no choice but to stick by her and hope that we would be able to get away.

    For the moment it seemed that our luck would hold. There were no other guards in the vicinity, and we quickly headed away from the castle along a path through the sparsely grown valley in which it was located. Melusine was still in the lead, but now she had taken out a small jewel pendant that hung from a chain around her neck and she was concentrating on it. This must have been the artifact she had mentioned earlier. As I supported Fabian, she very slowly began to move us through Shadow. And slow was really the word for it: through her little piece of jewelry Melusine could only affect Shadow at its most basic level, so we had to do without all the niceties we might otherwise consciously or subconsciously put on our path. In a way our journey was like a hellride in slow motion.

    One last time I looked back at the small castle and the oasis near it, but I could't see anyone about. Still, I had the faint sensation that someone was already on our trail. It was peculiar, but I realised that I was able to sense certain Power fluctuations even without the recourse to our own Pattern. For instance, I did notice us passing near to what had to be the Nexus gate that Melusine had told us about, registering it as a sharp burst of relatively unfocused energy. The feeling of being followed was also something that occurred to me on an intuitive level, although I was sure Melusine had noticed it too. She was struggling on as quickly as she could, which was unfortunately not very fast, so that even Fabian had relatively little trouble in keeping up.

    I can't really say for how long we travelled. Time becomes meaningless at a certain point. Now and then Melusine halted for a brief spell, but since we still felt that we were being followed, we didn't rest for very long. Melusine regretted that she was unable to lay any traps behind us as we passed through Shadow, but this was something which the limited power provided by the pendant simply didn't allow. Privately I wondered why the person or persons who were tracking us didn't catch up. If they were of this Reality's Amber Family, as I suspected from their ability to follow us through Shadow, their own skills with the Pattern should allow them to shift much faster than we were going. Whatever their reasons, they did not approach us, at least not for a long while.

    Although we could not lay traps for our pursuers, we did our best to confuse them about our trail, sometimes stopping in one particular Shadow, moving a bit off in a different direction, and then starting to shift again at a right angle to our former course. To my surprise I found that I began to pick up a little on the fluctuations of this Reality's Patttern, that is I started to tune in to certain of Melusine's manipulations. Perhaps, if I had the time, I might be able to tune in a bit more and actually start using some of that power. But there was no time, and hopefully we wouldn't be long enough in this Reality anymore for me to pick up on it. Melusine was desperately trying to find another Nexus gate, preferably one that was not out of order.

    After a great variety of Shadow locales we were passing through a small rocky canyon, when I noticed a figure on one of the ridges. It was a black-clad rider on a black horse, and he was clearly observing us. As I nudged Melusine and pointed, she cursed. There was nowhere for us to hide.

    Suddenly the rider beckoned with his hand, and in a flash of silver a gigantic bird of prey appeared and started swooping down at us. We quickly took cover against one of the canyon walls which slightly overhung the floor, thus making it more difficult for the bird to approach. Melusine and I both drew our swords, keeping the unarmed Fabian protected between us while we each defended one side. The silver bird circled once, twice, then swooped down straight at me. As it came closer I saw that it looked remarkably like a silver eagle, but much bigger than any eagle I'd ever seen. Preparing for the worst and hoping for the best, I swung my sword in wide arcs, trying to get as much force into my blows as possible, but though they hit the mark a few times the beast hardly seemed to take any notice. Its feathers almost seemed to be made of silver or steel, providing it with a strong natural armour, which of course didn't do anything for the sharpness of my blade. Although it had this particular advantage, I managed to keep it at bay for the most part, and only once did it manage to rake its steely talons over my left arm as I had to use it to fight it off. It left me a deep and bloody gash that would need some attention later on. Blood dripping onto the canyon floor, I cursed and withdrew a bit more.

    With a cry of victory the bird took to the sky again and this time made to attack Melusine. Despite my wound I decided that I couldn't let her face the beast alone, and cautiously I moved in behind her, taking great care not to get in her way. I managed to anticipate her moves a bit, though, and together we were able to push the eagle back into a corner; two opponents at once were clearly too much for it. As it struggled to get enough room to flee back into the sky, I thought I saw an opening, and instead of slashing I thrust at it with the point of my sword. This time I really seemed to hit home. The beast let out a terrible wailing shriek and threw itself to one side. Suddenly we heard the rider call out something to the bird, and immediately it leapt upwards and was gone.

    "Quickly!" Melusine said, grabbing her pendant again and concentrating hard. She pointed us towards a dark shadow at the bottom of the cliff wall which turned out to be hiding the entrance to a cave. Blindly we stumbled into the dark, unsure whether we had managed to leave our opponent behind us.

    Gradually, a dim glow generated by fungi and lichen began to light our path through the darkness, and I noticed how the rough wall grew ever smoother, till we passed through a round tube, a big sewer pipe that was fortunately empty at that moment, though the stench of rotting sewage still lingered. It opened out onto a waste dump, a patch on the outskirts of what looked like a fairly modern city.

    "Are we still being followed?" I asked, having not sensed anything for a while.

    "I don't know," Melusine confessed. "Perhaps we can go underground around here for a spell. We will be a lot more difficult to find in a city like this." I nodded. We could all do with a rest, some sleep and some food. Most of all, though, I wanted to get cleaned up and find me some fresh clothes. My body seemed to itch all over, except for the wound on my arm which was a dull and painful throb.

    I suggested that we'd aim a bit higher than merely blending in with the homeless and the strays on the street, but this entailed finding us some money first, since Melusine's pendant didn't allow the usual juggling of Shadow probability. In the end we simply held up and robbed a couple of drivers at a service station, making off with enough money to see us through at least a couple of days. The local people looked rather surprised at our swords, but they seemed to take the robbery itself in their stride, as if it was something that could and did happen nearly every day. The city was similar in lots of ways to those modern ones in America on Shadow Earth, but this one seemed to be even seedier than those, with little by way of law and order and incredibly high crime and poverty rates. Yes, a couple of hoods like us would blend in quite nicely, no problem.

    With our money we found ourselves some rooms at a dingy motel on the edge of town where questions were unlikely to be asked. While Fabian and I showered and shaved, Melusine went off to buy us new clothes and something to eat. She returned about an hour later to drop of a parcel, before retiring to her own room.

    Although I was rather tired and the wound on my arm still bothered me a little - I had taken care of it as soon as I could, and there were luckily no signs of infection - I felt better than I had in a long while. The hot shower had worked miracles. My hair was a right mess, of course, and for a moment I contemplated cutting it short. Vanity got the better of me, though: I simply liked my hair long, so I set to work with comb and brush to unravel all the tangles and knots. It took a good deal of combing and cursing, but I think I succeeded in the end to get back some resemblance of grooming. There was little doubt in my mind about my three weeks' growth of beard, though: it made me look like some mad prophet, so it had to go.

    Somehow Melusine had managed to find the right size of clothes for me. Nothing too expensive, of course, since our means were but limited in this place, but a plain shirt, some jeans, a sturdy pair of shoes, and a simple jacket would suffice for me in any case. As I wolfed down the sandwiches she had brought back with her, a welcome change to the bean stew prison fare, I'll tell you, I swithed on the television set with the intention of picking up some knowledge on this Shadow we had landed in. We couldn't stay here indefinitely, I knew, but if we were going to hide out in this city for a least a little while, I felt I ought to know at least a bit about it. Every bit of information might prove useful, especially now we had to do without the regular abilities we Amberites usually depended on in Shadow.

    Soon I became bored, however. Even though this Shadow's language proved no great barrier, being sufficiently like Thari to be understandable, the news on the screen was replete with imcomprehensible internal and foreign politics, reports of sensational scandals that failed to impress me since I knew none of the people involved, and lots of outbursts of senseless violence. This world seemed to be heading for some major catastrophe. It depressed me. I switched off the set and wondered whether it would not be wise to get some sleep. After lying on the bed for half an hour, though, I came to the conclusion that I was far too restless to be able to find some solace in dreams. With a sigh I got dressed again, grabbed my jacket and stepped out in the cold night air.

    Outside there was a perpetual wailing of sirens in the distance, as well as occasional bursts of gunfire. I realised how lucky we'd been with our robberies, for it seemed that most of this Shadow's population was bearing at least some kind of firearm. Despite this being a good place to go unnoticed, I didn't think it would be wise to stick around for too long. It was far too dangerous here.

    Unsure of where I was going, I decided to look in on Fabian first, but found his door locked. Since the lights were out, I gathered that he had done the sensible thing and was probably fast asleep. Casually I strolled over to the motel's registration office, which doubled as a sort of small shop for its residents. I had some money, and perhaps there was something I could find that would help me settle down a bit. Eager to get away from the proprietor's suspicious glances, I soon settled on a bottle of rather cheap, but also apparently very strong liquor. Yes, alcohol might be a good anaesthetic for whatever it was that was ailing me.

    Walking back to my room, I found myself hesitating in front of Melusine's door. Her light was still on. And drinking in company is always more pleasant than drinking alone. Besides, I didn't think I'd be able to finish off the bottle alone. She was, of course, rather surprised and a bit suspicious when she found me standing on her doorstep, but my proffered gift of strong drink did much to dispell her suspicions. She showed me in and gestured towards a chair while she fetched a couple of plastic cups. Her television was on; apparently she had been engaged in the same activity as I had without getting bored of it yet. She turned down the sound and poured us two healthy slugs of the brownish liquor. It was very strong stuff indeed, the first sip burning in my throat and bringing tears to my eyes. Melusine seemed to have little problem with it, though, for she quickly downed her first cup and was pouring herself a second shot well before I had finished mine.

    An uneasy silence seemed to hang over he room, with the sounds of the television only a background noise like the sirens and gunshots outside, so to break it I announced that after having given it a bit more thought I now felt more at ease with the notion of `we'. Since she was the only one of us that could get us home, I would follow her lead and abide by her decisions. This naturally aroused her scorn and suspicion again, for how could she believe me when I would undoubtedly be striving to regain my freedom at every twist and turn of the way? Why would I all of a sudden be on her side?

    "I don't appear to have much choice, do I?" I observed. "Besides, I have had some time to think things over, and I must confess that I share your worries about your mother. I don't want her to die either." My voice was soft and sincere, but she wasn't so easily convinced.

    "Why should you care?" Melusine snorted. "Especially considering all this," she gestured vaguely around us, "all she has put you through?" I sighed and looked down, avoiding her gaze.

    "I'm not good at bearing grudges," I said. "I don't believe in hate. It... It just requires more from me to sustain it than I can or will give. The cost is always too high, it simply destroys too much, as I guess your mother's story illustrates." I looked up, straight into her eyes. "No, I don't want to lose Flora, despite what she's done, and I think that she'll need all my... all our help. I'd rather work towards more positive ends."

    Melusine held my gaze for a few seconds, trying to gauge my sincerity, but then shrugged and looked away. I sensed she wasn't entirely swayed by my words, but she would leave the matter be for now. As for myself, I was a bit surprised at how candid I'd suddenly been with her. Also, the decision to try and save instead of working against Flora was something that had been circling round my brain for some time but had not been so clearly enunciated till this moment. Having voiced this resolve, I now felt stronger in my purpose. It may simply have been the drink talking, though...

    Of course, we also touched upon the subject of Fabian. Melusine had briefly seen him after he had shaved, and she said the resemblance was now even more apparent. I confessed that I wasn't sure about what to do with him yet, and since she didn't have any clear ideas either we dismissed the subject till the next moring, when Fabian himself would hopefully be up and able to participate in any discussions.

    We continued to drink in silence for a while, each of us lost in our own thoughts. Sometimes I glanced at the screen, but the images of carnage and destruction all looked the same to me, as if they were set on an endless repeat. The drink was helping me to relax a bit, I felt, but Melusine still seemed very tense. She was drinking far more heavily than I was, while I doubted that she would be able to withstand its influence any better. She had chosen a similar outfit for herself, and while I regarded her I found myself thinking how well she looked in her T-shirt and tight jeans. She noticed me staring, and although she didn't tell me to keep my eyes to myself, I sensed that it was increasing her tension. She also kept glancing at me, although now and then she clearly forced herself to direct her gaze elsewhere.

    I was still nursing my second cup, when Melusine reached for the bottle to pour herself her sixth one. Suddenly, before I knew it myself, I moved forward, out of my chair, and halted her by taking her hand. With a flash of annoyance she looked up at me.

    "Take it easy, will you?" I managed to say, although my light tone sounded a bit forced to my own ears. "You've already had more than your share. Whatever your problem is, drinking is not the way to deal with it." Said the hypocrite who bought the stuff just for that reason in the first place. Melusine glared at me.

    "Let go off me," she said hotly. "You are too close."

    "Is that such a bad thing?" I asked softly. I held her gaze and did not move away.

    "I don't like it," she snapped. "It makes me uneasy." I chuckled as I let go of her arm.

    "You could try to be a bit more trusting," I said. "Oh, not that being suspicious isn't good thing in our Family, but not everybody is always ready to stick the knife in, you know."

    She didn't reply, but held me in a suspicious glare. Instead of going back to my chair, though, I just stood there for a few seconds, before slowly beginning to move around her, keeping my hands in plain sight. My movements seemed unhurried and calculated, but although she wasn't entirely sure about me, she didn't warn me off either. She half turned her head to keep an eye on me, but did little else save wait in anticipation. As I completed my half circle around her chair, I stepped even closer and tentatively put my hands on her shoulders.

    "Don't touch me!" she snapped immediately. However, she neither moved away, nor turned round to fight me off. I could feel the tension knotting her shoulder muscles, but there was another sort of tension too, one that I realised I had been aware of for some while at least, and one that now seemed to be dictating my actions. Gently I began to rub and massage her shoulders through the thin fabric of her shirt, and she allowed me to do so too. It relieved some of her tension, I sensed, but only stoked the other kind. A distant part of me was screaming at me to stop playing with fire like this, but I was too involved now to heed it. From her shoulders I started inching downwards, massaging her back and lightly pushing her a bit forward in her chair to be able to reach the lower parts. Now and then she let out a soft, barely suppressed moan as I touched a particularly rigid and painful spot.

    "Clever Dorian," Melusine spat through gritted teeth. "He won't stick the knife in, not him. But he's more than ready to stick something else in, I'll warrant."

    "Never uninvited," I murmured, leaning closer.

    "Well, you won't get any invitations from me, damn you!"

    "Won't I? My loss. And yours too, I believe. We both know you really want to." And it was true, in a sense: she did feel strongly attracted to me, but she was fighting hard to suppress her feelings. My attentions were wearing her down, though.

    Time had lost all meaning. There were just my hands rubbing and squeezing her back, slowly casting their spell. Melusine sighed and leaned her head forward. Casually I let my hands wander up again, surreptitiously taking her shirt with them, exposing an ever larger portion of her skin. She shivered and damned me again in another moan. Then, as my fingers first lightly touched her bare skin, she was suddenly up and turning, kicking the chair out of the way and falling upon me with unexpected ferocity.

    "Come on then!" she snarled. "Do your worst and be damned!" Her strong hands tore the shirt off my back and started ripping at my jeans. Gladly I matched her fierce lust, and soon we were rolling over the floor naked. It had been far too long for me. The fierceness of our love-making seemed to stem from the private needs deep inside both of us. It was basic, animalistic lust, finding a release through a mutual struggle.

    Only afterwards, when we lay panting and sweating on the cold floor, did some sense return to me and did other feelings find a way in. I raised myself on one elbow and regarded her face closely. Now that her passion was spent, her confusion and inner struggle appeared to be returning. I gently reached out my hand and touched her cheek, turning her face towards mine.

    "Mel?" I asked softly. She stiffened suddenly, as if stung, and abruptly turned away. All of a sudden she was pushing me away from her, rather violently too. Shocked and a bit offended, I got to my feet and moved a few steps back, and only then did I realise that she was crying.

    "What...?" I stammered. "What's wrong? What did I do?" Well, I knew what I'd done of course, but I didn't understand why it had affected her in this way. She wouldn't respond right away, though. Momentarily I wondered whether I'd not better leave her to deal with it herself, seeing as how she didn't seem to want me around anymore, but I quickly chided myself for even having entertained the notion. I couldn't leave her like this. I cared too much for her.

    Quietly I knelt down by her side and reached out to comfort her, which after a moment or two she allowed. She was still in the grip of her distress, and although I appeared to be largely to blame for it, she was in need of a soothing touch. Silently I helped her up from the floor and directed us both to the bed, where we sat down. I'd gingerly put an arm around her and held her until she calmed down a little.

    "What is it?" I asked softly. "What's wrong?"

    "That name...," she replied in a thin voice. "That's what he used to call me..."

    He. Meaning Martin. I suddenly felt a deep loathing for myself. She must still be in love with him, even though he had forced her to choose and she had chosen her mother over him. And I had lured her into this... No wonder that she had wanted to get away from me. It was a miracle that she would even allow me to stay in the same room with her at this moment.

    And yet she did. Perhaps she cared at least a little for me too. But not as much as for our cousin, though. The realisation had the emerald tinge of jealousy to it. Yes, I felt jealous of Martin. Despite the numerous rational reasons why I should never get involved with a close relative, despite the fact that at our first meeting she had tried to mow me down with a machine gun, despite the fact that she had kept me prisoner for three whole weeks, I couldn't deny that I was strongly attracted to her. And not just physically. Love may seem a trite word, especially where Amberites were concerned, and maybe I had been too much in and out of lust to recognize it for what it was anymore, but I genuinely felt that I cared a good deal more for Melusine than I perhaps should. The feeling was as strong as it was unreasonable, and there was only one sobering influence. Him. Meaning Martin. Evidently Melusine still loved him very much, and he might very well feel the same about her. I had no right to worm my way between them, to stand in the way of a possible reconciliation. Even if it meant remaining alone.

    I sighed. "I'm sorry," I breathed. "I didn't realise... Look, this is all my fault. I should have shown a bit more restraint. It won't happen again." I managed to sound rather firm. Melusine looked up and studied my face with red-rimmed eyes. She still seemed quite confused and distressed, but my apparent decision to take a few steps back appeared to calm her down a little.

    "Look," I said, "I won't pretend this never happened, but I don't think it's something that other people need know about, do you? And like I said, it won't happen again." She met my gaze and after a moment she nodded, once. There was a lot that she had to sort out for herself, and I guess some of it at least would have to do with the way we would behave towards one another. I wouldn't force myself on her, though, not again.

    After a few moments of silently regarding one another, I felt it was time to go. I put my clothes back on as best I could, since the shirt was too far gone to be of any use anymore. Fortunately, Melusine had bought me more than one. Before I left I once more moved towards her and put my hand on her shoulder. We shared a look that had all kinds of possible layers of meaning, and then I slipped out, back to my own room. It took me a good while before sleep washed over me, though.

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