Chapter 062: Apologies

"When the dribble of your words ain't got no effect
When you're down to the wire that runs neck and neck
When the nudge of what's coming has lost its reflex
I will elbow-my-way- through this Quixotic wreck
When the elastic-snap of approval don't stretch
Any further than any further than any further than it can get
Didn't I piss in the face of derision and frown?
Didn't I swallow my scruples and wet-kiss the ground?
I found my faith under these nails
And nailed that face to the door
It's the face - face of an angel, baby
And the face of a whore
I give you good face
Didn't I give you good face?
Said I give you good face"

Whore - Dalbello

     When I got back to Diana's chambers the tension there hung thickly in the air like some sort of noxious cloud. She looked tired and nervous, but she appeared to have stopped crying some time ago. Her expression at my return shifted from hope and relief to anxiety and fear and back again, covering the whole array of emotions in between, but finally settling on a weak expectant smile.

     "I talked to Caine," I said, closing the door behind me, "and I'm taking you out of here. If there's anything you don't want to leave behind, you'd better get it."

     "What... What did he tell you?" I guess my expression must have betrayed something of my inner turmoil, even though I had tried to put my face in neutral; either that, or she was better at reading me than I had thought.

     "Later," I said a bit wearily. "I'll tell you later. First get packing. Oh, and don't bother too much about clothes and stuff. We'll get you some new ones when we get there." She hesitated for a fraction of a second, but then she nodded and hastened into her bedroom to get ready for the journey.

     "Did anyone else call while I was gone?" I asked. She shook her head. Good. I knew it was considered standard protocol to give the parties involved in any Family conflict a chance at resolving matters between themselves before butting in, so to speak, but I had not been sure that everyone would be so patient in this particular case. Some people might have thought that such a breach in protocol might have easily been overlooked, in the light of the conflict being a potential murder case. Then again, Caine might not have taken kindly to others poking their noses into his affairs while he was literally physically restricted to a hospital bed, and I guess that his reputation warranted a certain caution. Sometimes being feared is not such a bad thing.

     It took Diana only a few minutes to gather her essential belongings together in a small backpack, which time I spent raising the Pattern in order to transport us to a place somewhere halfway between Amber and Chaos. I knew it would be nearly pointless to try and contact Taureth directly from Amber, and at the same time I wanted to find some quiet spot where I could inform Diana of what had been said between Caine and me. Or at least part of what had been said.

     The place I teleported us to was a nice and peaceful clearing in some forest with no apparent signs of any sentient life for miles around. Keeping my Pattern up I constructed another energy cage around the two of us, just in case somebody was following our movements. I had of course realised that I had not shielded my earlier conversation with Diana, nor had there been a screen during our love-making, but it was simply too late to change all that. I could only hope that our words had been sufficiently cryptic to bar anyone from finding out the truth. As for the sex, well, Fiona had already known about it, so I guess that anyone curious enough could have found out earlier if they had wanted to. It was only a small part of our big secret after all.

     "Well," I said as soon as I had finished, "this way we can talk freely." Diana nodded hesitantly, clearly not altogether sure about what I had been doing, but willing to take my word for it for now. "As I said," I continued, "I talked to Caine, and I feel we've come to understand each other a little better. It is at least clear to me now that he cares a great deal for you too." She nodded again, this time slightly more confident. I sighed.

     "You were right about him forgiving you for what happened last night," I said, "and he agreed that I should take you away from Amber as quickly as possible. The bad news is that he too is very worried about what the Curse is doing to you; he thinks that it may actually be much stronger in you than was first expected." She looked grave and I sensed the fear flare up in her again, but she managed to put on a brave face nevertheless. Much as I hated not telling her the complete story, I simply found myself unable to do so. Yes, I was afraid of how she might react to Deirdre's true reasons for having me or the possibility of Caine being my father and therefore her grandfather. I was also unsure how much Caine would want me to tell her; perhaps it was better to wait till the three of us were together in the Courts before springing the entire story on her.

     "I was in dubio for a while about whether or not to inform Caine of the possible solution I have found," I continued, "but ultimately I did tell him. He was interested of course, and in the end we agreed that he should join us in the Courts as soon as it is convenient for him to do so. With everything that he has already found out about the Curse, his assistance will undoubtedly help bring the solution about much faster.

     "Now, the person we are going to is called Taureth, and he's the oldest son of Ornach. Ornach and his children are all very old, but they have been imprisoned for quite a long time, so hardly anyone knows much about them anymore. Actually, you've met another son of Ornach last night, Samal. He was the one who was with Murlas."

     "That blonde man?" She shivered a little. "He was rather scary. I... I didn't like the way he looked at me."

     "I know," I said. "He scares me too. But Taureth is different, you'll see. I helped him escape from his prison, but even aside from his gratitude I think that we rather like each other. Not that he seems to be one for strong emotions, but I find him rather dependable... Oh, I don't know. You'll have to make up your own mind when you meet him. I just hope that you will be able to get along, for we may be staying with him for quite a while."

     "I hope so too," she said softly.

     "Alright then. One final thing: while it's probably wisest still not to trust anyone in the Courts, you can trust Taureth at least as far as the matter of the Curse is concerned. I've already told him everything about it that I know, and since he is our only hope right now it wouldn't do to keep anything from him, no matter how irrelevant it might seem." She smiled a bit ruefully at me to indicate that she understood. Of course, this also meant that I should inform Taureth of everything that Caine had told me, but perhaps that could wait as well until Caine himself arrived in the Courts.

     With all my warnings and explanations out of the way, I dropped the Pattern shield and shuffled out the Trump that I had had Fiona draw of Taureth. That had been a good piece of foresight on my part, that much was sure. Diana regarded the image curiously while I started concentrating, and I wondered what she would make of our potential saviour. Hell, I wasn't even altogether sure what to think of him myself. Yes, he was civil and even rather friendly, but as with the entire Ornach family I had this feeling that there might well be much more to him than he let on. At this moment he might be helping me, but I realised that I wouldn't be very much surprised if we ever wound up on opposite sides. Perhaps I was being too cynical, though, I don't know. It just seemed that after my conversation with Adrian all my belief in true friendship had vanished. The powerful don't have friends, they only have temporary allies and enemies. Lots of enemies.

     While I was once again falling prey to my own pessimism, the card in my hand grew colder and Taureth's image slowly came to life before my eyes. He didn't seem surprised to see me and fortunately it was convenient for him to see the both of us right away. When we stepped through to his side, we found ourselves in a very large hall that reminded me very much of castle Amber, not only because of its size, but also because of the veritable age that seemed to be radiating from the stones themselves. The hall was dark and a bit chilly, and I got the feeling that it hadn't been used in quite a long time. There was no dust, however.

     Seeing my enquiring glances Taureth explained that this was actually a part of the old Ways of his House, which he had managed to retrieve to incorporate into the new Ornach Ways. When the war to free his Father had been lost and the fate of him and his siblings had seemed uncertain, Taureth had himself taken the Ways apart and had hidden certain elements within the fabric of Shadow around the Courts itself in the hope that he might one day rebuild his family home. And now that day had finally come, although he added that not everthing had survived, so he had also had to construct some new sections. I felt that he would have done so anyway, just for the fun of it, but I saw no point in remarking upon it out loud.

     Taureth led us through some ways to a colourfully tiled balcony overlooking a grand vista of purple dunes and a dark burgundy sea, one of the newer sections of his home. The multi-coloured sky over our heads indicated that this place was still close to the Courts proper, but it was remarkably peaceful for such a chaotic Shadow. Although he didn't say so, I sensed that Taureth had a special preference for this spot, maybe because the sense of freedom that it conveyed. I tried to imagine what it would have been like to spend millenia locked away in a prison and found that my mind just couldn't grasp such a notion. And here I was with not even three decades behind me...

     Once we were seated and drinks had been served I finally got round to properly introducing Diana and Taureth to one another, after which I gave him a brief summary of what had transpired during the previous evening and how it had revealed the full extent of Diana's plight to me. I decided to leave the details of Caine's story till later, but I did mention that I had invited him to join us here in the Courts as well and added that I hoped that this would not inconvenience Taureth too much. In his usual reserved manner he said that he was more than happy to have us stay as his guests; there was room enough for three in the parts of the Ways' guest quarters that had already been installed, he said, and besides, there weren't that many people currently in residence anyway. I was glad that this was so easily taken care of and finished my drink rather quickly, eager to get back to Amber and see to the official conclusion. There was no telling what the time differential between here and there would be like this time around. Luckily Taureth supplied me with a Trump that he had drawn of Ygg, the tree that marks the boundary between Amber and Chaos. This is a perfect halfway point that would certainly make travelling from one realm to the other and back again much easier. Not that I couldn't have Patterned out if I had realy wanted to, but I would have to have been very careful in handling Pattern so close to the Logrus, and it would undoubtedly have been quite tiresome as well.

     Of course Diana was not overjoyed to see me go, but she demurred after I had said that I would return as soon as everything had been settled back home. I didn't tell her how things were going to be settled, though; there would be too many explanations required from me if I did.

     When I arrived back in Amber I found that my luck had held out once again, for in my absence only one day had passed. The castle was still abuzz with rumours, some about Caine and Diana (especially Diana's sudden disappearance was on everyone's mind - I was a tight-lipped as ever), some about Llewella. I listened to the latter with a rather detached interest and learned that Llewella had been imprisoned and was presumed to be under some kind of alien influence. Fiona was said to be in charge of the investigation, with cousin Adrian as a surprising helpful assistant. Again I wondered why he had told me nothing about this affair during our earlier conversation. Why be so secretive about this, unless he were somehow involved in it himself? I didn't mention my worries to anyone, since I didn't want to slander Adrian unnecessarily, but I would keep it in mind all the same. Maybe he would have a logical explanation for it, maybe not...

     I had only been back in my chambers for a few minutes when a servant arrived with a message from Random, requiring my immediate presence in his study. It would seem that Caine had already relayed my intentions to the King, and he had undoubtedly spent his time impatiently waiting for my return. I steeled myself to withstand any barrage of questions that might be levelled at me, but when I got to his study Random was rather subdued.

     "Sit down," he said when I entered, looking very serious. "Caine has told me that you intend to apologize to him."

     "That is correct."

     "And you want to do this in front of the entire Family, do you?"

     "Again, yes."

     "Are you really sure that this is what you want to do?" he asked, but not as sharply as he might have.

    "I'm positive," I said calmly.

     "You know, it wouldn't surprise me at all if Caine had somehow provoked Diana to this attack," Random said, but I kept my face blank and noncommittal. He searched my expression for clues, but seeing I wasn't giving anything away he sighed and asked: "How is she?"

     "So so. I've taken her elsewhere, so she can recover in peace."

     "Any idea what made her do it?"

     "That's what I hope to find out when I rejoin her."

     "Don't you think it's a bit premature to offer your apologies at this point?" he asked. There was a little more edge to his tone now, no doubt caused by his frustration at my reticence. Much as I liked him, though, I couldn't tell him anything beyond what he already knew.

     "No," I said, "I don't think so." He held my gaze for a minute, then shrugged and looked away.

     "It's your choice," he muttered. "Allright, when do you want to do it?"

     "As soon as possible, if it's convenient."

     "Tonight then, after dinner. I'll make sure that everyone is there." I nodded and thanked him, then quickly left before he could resume his questioning.

     Since I didn't want to spend the rest of the day brooding or trying to fend of relatives with questions, I went up to see my other six children, who as it turned out were having some history lessons from Andrew, one of the court librarians. My arrival completely disrupted his lessons, however, and it took quite a while before they had calmed down sufficiently for him to resume his discourse. While I listened to him with half an ear, I surreptitiously observed the kids for signs of the Curse, as Caine had counselled me to do. I couldn't be sure, and they were still very young, but with sadness in my heart I concluded that they might indeed be affected as well. Miri suddenly met my gaze and her angel-like features twisted into a frown when she saw my sad expression. I tried to smile reassuringly back at her, but she wasn't fooled that easily; after a moment, though, she turned her attention back to the lesson, but not before she had echoed my smile with a double layer of reassurance added on, as if she were trying to convince me that things weren't that bad. A little bit precocious, that one.

     After their lessons I spent my time reading some stories to them in true parental fashion, until it was time to get ready for dinner. Fortunately, the kids were to have their meal in their own chambers, so I wouldn't have to comment to them on tonight's little performance. I went back to my own appartment, dressed up and headed down to the big dining room that was used on such occasions. I realised that Random's remarks and questions had managed to raise some doubts in me which were hard to repress, much as I tried. There was a real chance that I was setting myself up to be the laughing stock of the entire Family by taking the blame this easily, and after tonight no one might take me seriously anymore. However, the alternative was worse for Caine's reputation and might draw too much unwanted attention. No, I had decided on this course and would stick to it, no matter the consequences.

     By chance I happened to run into Murlas going down the main stairs. My brother... Hmm, the idea would take some getting used to. In muted tones he inquired whether I had already heard about Solkon, which I confirmed. Unfortunately, however, it would seem that neither of us had enough spare time at the moment to delve into the matter. Funny how our personal problems took precedence over something that might well threaten all of existence as we knew it. Typicaly Amberite, I guess.

     Random's summons had had its required effect: everyone who had been at the party two nights ago was present at dinner, save for Llewella and Diana. The furtive glances from several of my relatives revealed that they at least knew that our gathering had something to do with me, but it was equally as clear that they didn't know what was coming. During dinner, however, several whispered rumours passed around the table about me and Caine and the word `apology' cropped up several times. I kept quiet all throughout the meal, while the other actor in this play, Caine, though still looking rather pale, acted his smugly arrogant self to a tee.

     Right after dessert Random stood to draw everyone's attention and in the hushed silence that followed announced that I had something to say to the entire Family. Trying to stay cool, but nearly petrified by everyone's eyes suddenly turning on me (as if they were a family of cockatrices), I began the speech which I had been rehearsing in my mind for the past few hours. "Let me start by saying that the events of two nights ago came to me as a quite unexpected and unpleasant surprise. Diana's brutal attempted murder of Caine allows of no excuse, and therefore I am glad that she ultimately didn't succeed in her aim.

     "However, `aim' may be the wrong word in this particular case. From my conversations with Diana I've gathered that this was not a thoroughly planned, purposeful, or well-considered action, but that this should rather be thought of as a case of temporary insanity. How it ever came this far is as yet unclear, although some sort of deficiency in her up-bringing can unfortunately not be discounted; should this indeed be the cause, it will be up to me to put this to right. For her own, and I may add for everyone's safety, Diana has been taken away from Amber to a place where in all peace and quiet and with my help she will hopefully be able to come to her senses.

     "With regard to this affair I have had the appropriate rights and duties that are part and parcel of parenthood pointed out to me. In accordance with these conventions I want to take this opportunity to claim open and full responsibility for my daughter's actions, which also implies that I hold myself responsible for preventing a recurrence of any such similar actions in the future. Besides this public confession of guilt I would like to offer my genuine and sincere apologies to Caine, the wronged party in this case. I hope that this will suffice to close this case for now and forever, so that we may leave this entire unpleasant business behind us. If not, I would like to hear some suggestions from Caine on what might be required to achieve this end."

     With these final words my gaze came to rest on Caine. For a moment he merely regarded me icily, then with an arrogant twist of his head to indicate that this was the least I could have done, he said: "Apology accepted." I heaved a small sigh that was not entirely false either, since I realised all too well that if Caine's story had been even partially an act, this would have been the perfect moment to put me under some kind of official obligation. Never mind that the apology had been my idea, he could easily have known me well enough to manipulate me to the point where I would offer such a thing of my own accord. Damn, this second guessing business was getting to me.

     There was a lot of speculation afterwards about the matter: whether my apology had been the right thing to do or not, whether some other solution would not have been better, etc, etc. Both Caine and I kept out of the discussion, since the matter was now officially closed for us. Julian caught my attention, though, by openly questioning whether the younger generation was truly aware of the weight of such an apology. I bit back a nasty comment, but couldn't help sending an angry glare in his direction. Fortunately, there was no need for defending myself, for nearly all the Elders saw no particular reasons to doubt the younger generation's (and in this specific case my) sincerity. After all, there were no reported cases of any abuse of this right or privilege (depends on how you look at it) as yet, were there? I could sense some uneasiness among my cousins as well, though; some of them were already in some kind of conflicts with Elders, like Adrian and Bleys, and they must be wondering how long it would be before they would have to follow my example. Yes, my apology might have settled things down a bit, but we weren't out of the stormy waters just yet.

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