Chapter 068: Shudder And Die

"Child I was then when was I last young?

When did comic wood bricks

Become trading in con tricks?

When did innocence shudder and die?"

The Collector - Twelfth Night

    "Lord Dorian." The acknowledging nod from the guard did little to hide his discomfort. I knew him, I realised, but I had to think for a few seconds before I could recall his name.

    "Harald, isn't it?" Again he nodded. He bore the insignia of a corporal and I remembered having seen his face at the party I had thrown for my Uncle Jaro and his fellow guards. Apparently he still remembered me as well, despite my appearance in Amber not being that usual. And to think this was supposed to be home to me.

    "I'm afraid I can't let you enter, sir. Prince Gerard's orders."

    "I see. And where can I find Prince Gerard at the moment?"

    "I don't know, sir. He came by a couple of hours ago, but I haven't seen him since." Awkward. I really needed to get in, but trying to find Gerard and convincing him of the necessity would take too much time, and I didn't want to stay away from Quendor for too long either. The time differential was a problem too: Quendor time passed twice to three times as fast as time in Amber. I didn't want to wheedle or force my way past Harald, though. He was only doing his duty.

    Just as I was reaching for my Trump deck a weak, yet determined and familiar voice called out from the other side of the door: "Guard, let that young man pass!"

    "But, but, your highness," poor Harald stammered, "Prince Gerard..."

    "Never mind, let him come in." Her tone brooked no further arguments. Harald looked at me uncertainly and I gave him a sympathetic smile. Certainly he wouldn't think that my dear auntie was in any danger from the likes of me, would he?

    With a sighed "As the Princess commands" and a shrug he opened the door for me and let me enter. First rule of thumb of the Amber Guard: always follow the orders of the Prince or Princess who happens to be closest by and let them sort it out amongst each other later on.

    The infirmary was completely deserted save for one bed off to the left. In it lay the pale and frail-looking form of my aunt Fiona. She smiled as she caught sight of me and held out one hand, inviting me to come closer. Pained as I was to see her like this, there was some relief as well at finding her awake and apparently out of any immediate danger. While I carried a chair over to the side of her bed, I was briefly reminded of the last time I had visited the infirmary and the conversation I had had with Caine. I quickly put those thoughts away, though, for Fi had the habit of being a bit too perceptive at times. Better to focus on her own troubles.

    "I heard what had happened, so I came to see how you were," I began, smiling a concerned smile.

    "What was it exactly that you had heard?" she asked sweetly. Her wound might have weakened her significantly, but she was still determined to keep up her usual appearance.

    "Bleys told me you had gone to Sherwyn in connection with the problems concerning Llewella. Then next thing he knew was Adrian handing you back to Gerard, a crossbow bolt sticking out of you and everything." At the mention of Adrian's name she frowned.

    "That boy is not doing well," she sighed. "I don't know what kind of a scheme he's got himself mixed up in now, but really!" I gave her a look full of innocence and ignorance, but she was determined not to fall for it.

    "Alright," I conceded, "I have heard something of what is going on, but I really don't know what to make of it. Besides, I haven't yet heard Adrian's side of the story."

    "Perhaps you should have a word with him." I scowled and heaved a sigh. After some consideration I wasn't sure that was such a good idea. Our last conversation hadn't been that much of a success and I had a feeling that things hadn't really improved between us after that. If anything, the fact that Alexander had recently seen fit to start confiding in me was sure to rub him the wrong way. Fiona studied my troubled face for a few seconds before she added: "I don't mind telling you what I know, but if I do, would you please do me a favour?"

    "Depends." Her studied look of faint disappointment brought on a pang of guilt, which I strove to ignore. "I'm currently involved in other matters," I explained. "They also take time." I managed to hold her gaze for a longer period and tried to convey my sincerity. I wasn't going to forget about my business in Quendor just because she felt she needed me for some other chore elsewhere. Finally, she looked away and gave a little nod.

    "I see," she said. "As you wish." Then, in a more cheerful tone: "Tell me, how are you? What have you been doing?" In the general terms of pleasant conversation I described my recent stay in the Courts to her, including Lady Grice's party and the murders I had witnessed there. Careful not to mention my reasons for having been there, I brought up Quendor, saying that I had also spoken to Bleys on the matter. Fi grimaced when I produced the glossy book on the Lablanche family, but when I told her about Aurelia and uncle Lothair she became deadly serious.

    "No, I have never heard of them before," she said, "and I would like to know how they managed to break through my wards around the villa. As I recall they were quite powerful, yet also very subtle."

    "Well, there wasn't anything there when I visited the place. And while they weren't Amberites, they did have some other Power. I don't know what it's called, but it was the same thing that Azrain had too." Fi's eyes had suddenly started to sparkle with the thought of unravelling this mystery.

    "You know," she said, "this all sounds tremendously fascinating. Perhaps I ought to find someone else to look into that matter concerning Adrian and Llewella. I think it wouldn't hurt for me to take a little trip back to Quendor. Let's see, who to ask? Ah, of course." She produced a Trump from her deck, Bleys's as I saw, and started concentrating. A few moments later she nodded and broke the contact. "It seems my beloved brother had already been planning on paying a visit to Sherwyn," she informed me with a smile. "Now, isn't that convenient?" It was the first opportunity  she'd given me to object to her plans, but I felt I had already found something that would at least buy me some time to complete my own business in Quendor. It wasn't difficult to bring a touch of concern to my face, regarding her pale and weak form in the big hospital bed. I guess it's always easier to delude others with arguments that are at least partially true. I took a deep breath.

    "Somehow I don't think it would be wise to go to Quendor without first having recovered completely."

    "Oh pooh!" Fi chirped lightly. "I'm getting bored to death in this place."

    "Too bad," I said, sternly. "I don't know all the specifics of what has happened in Sherwyn, but I do recall another occasion when things didn't go as you had planned..."

    "Shh, no so loud!"

    "... And that was simply the result of somebody rather underestimating matters, wasn't it?" I held her gaze without flinching and let her sense enough of my concern and anger to know that I was being serious.

    "If my assessment of this situation is correct," she said, lightly, "this will be purely a matter for the spirit, not the body. And besides, you'll be there to protect your dear auntie, won't you?" I grimly shook my head. Oh no, she wasn't going to have her way that easily, not this time.

    "Perhaps we ought to put the matter to the practising physician, don't you think?"

    "Oh, I really think that should not be necessary," she objected.

    "I don't agree."

    "To what?" a dark voice grumbled from the entrance. I looked up to see Gerard eyeing me with more than a hint of suspicion.

    "Ah, uncle Gerard, just the man," I greeted him cheerfully. "Don't you agree that auntie here should really get more than enough time to achieve a complete recovery?" From the corner of my eye I caught Fi glaring at me, but I simply ignored her, keeping my attention focused on getting Gerard to take my side. He was not immediately convinced, though.

    "Is it your opinion then," he demanded sternly, "that with everything this infirmary has to offer it wouldn't provide her with all the rest she needs?"

    "Oh no, this is the place alright. It's only that I get the strong impression that she'll be wanting to leave from here sooner than expected." He glanced from me to her, and as I followed his gaze I saw that Fi was practising her innocent and completely helpless girlish expression, a put on I had seen her use on some of her brothers before. I looked at Gerard as if to say: "You're not really falling for this, are you?" He smiled for the first time since I had seen him enter and briefly winked at me, just so Fiona wouldn't see. Yes, he recognized her gambit, but he also knew how the game should be played.

    "My dear sister," he said, moving towards the head of her bed, "it gladdens my heart that you've taken such a turn for the better, but I fear that all of this is going to be too tiring for you. Don't you agree?"

    "Well, I think I'll manage," she chirped bravely.

    "I don't think so," he said in a smiling patronizing tone that brooked no disagreement. This was his domain and she knew it: if she didn't abide by his rules, he may just refuse to attend to her the next time she was brought in, and who else of the Family could she (or I, or anyone else for that matter) trust with her life?

    "But I really feel much better already," she gave it one last feeble try.

    "Perhaps in a couple of days," he said in a not unfriendly tone.

    Fiona caught my smile and flashed a "don't look so smug" look.

    "If it's any consolation," I said, "I promise not to look further into the matter we've discussed without your consent."

    "Very wise," she said coolly. I decided to leave her the book as a gift, so she would have something to pass the time with. She started leafing through it, and as I was getting up to leave I caught her studying Rinaldo's picture with a slight frown. It occurred to me that his visits to Quendor had probably been more recent than hers or Bleys's, so maybe he would be able to tell us something more about Lothair and Aurelia. It was worth checking up on, but not now. I really wanted to spend some time with my children first.

    Roughly about an hour later I was trudging angrily down the main road along the Kolvir towards the city and the harbour. Things simply never go as planned. Sigh.

    When I had reached the children's classroom and had found that two of them, Laura and Dennis, had not been there, I hadn't been too upset right away. Those two had a habit of slipping off to look for adventure, but they had never really come to any harm. Not yet anyway. Anna had been pretty fed up with their tricks, though, and she had demanded that I would put a stop to it there and then. So I had started a search for the truants, but to my growing dismay I had found no trace of them in the castle, nor had any of the guards or servants seen them around. Then Anna had recalled some whispered remarks that had passed between the two about the harbour. The harbour! The most dangerous area in all of Amber! The place where even the Family hesitated to venture without proper precautions. The place where people would just cut your throat if you as much as looked at them sideways. The place that would probably be one of the last to fall if any invading army would ever manage to overrun the city. When I was young I had been warned too by my father against ever going out there, although in truth I had done so a few times along with Aliane and Koras, but I must add that that had always been at Ali's insistence. She had always been the most daring of us three. It was a wonder we had never come to any harm, and I feared that Dennis and Laura's adventurous spirits would not have them be so lucky.

    As ever the harbour was a teeming place of endless activity: the continuous loading and unloading of the merchant vessels contrasted heavily with the strongly disciplined air around the few military ships that were not currently out on manoeuvres. It would be nigh impossible to find two small children in this crowd I soon realised, so I had to apply a bit of my Pattern abilities to do the tracking. It wasn't that easy in Amber itself, but I found that I was able to manage on a purely intuitive level. My search led me from the main area where the ships lay moored into the seedier parts with the darker alleys. Yes, they were somewhere around here, I could feel it. I glanced up at a sign and suppressed a shiver. Seabreeze Lane. The worst of the worst. A bit further on there was a street just a bit wider and lighter than the others in the neighbourhood, which featured a lot of shops and, therefore, a lot of shopkeepers and merchants. They had to be around here somewhere.

    Suddenly I could a flash of a small form darting stealthily through the crowd. Her long black hair betrayed her indeed as my daughter Laura. I kept my eye on her and started trailing behind, but I couldn't see a trace of  her brother. The odd thing was that she wasn't wearing her usual clothes, but something that could only be described as a bundle of rags. What was she doing here?

    I didn't have to wait long to find out. Unaware of my watchful eyes she sneaked up to a passing merchant and with a few deft and skilful movements relieved him of his pouch. My daughter, the pickpocket! Someone was really going to be in a lot of trouble when we got back home to the castle.

    Not wanting to raise a great hue and cry, I slowly began to move closer to her, hoping that I would be able to come close enough to get my hands on her without being noticed. Meanwhile Laura added a few more pouches to her winnings, till I got the feeling her loot began to surpass the average income of your typical Amberite labourer. Just before I could reach her, however, she slipped away into one of the smaller alleys, from which a moment or so later I picked up the shrill sound of a whistle. A glance around the corner revealed a large group of children, all in similar attire as Laura's, though undoubtedly for most of them this was their usual and only set of clothes. There were still too many beggars in Amber to keep any of our claims at being civilized from holding up. To my relief I saw that Dennis was also among these beggar children. If he had got separated from his sister, I would have had to conduct a second search.

    I soon realised that the children were all counting their individual earnings and comparing them to see who had accumulated the biggest loot. I wasn't too surprised to learn that after the final reckoning Laura was proclaimed the winner of their little game, but my concern for them returned sharply when one of the older boys said that apart from the winner everyone should hand over half their takings to him. Most of the kids didn't look too happy at this, but the boy's size did a lot to intimidate them. Dennis, however, wouldn't let himself be bullied so easily.

    "I'm not giving you anything," I could hear him say sullenly. The older boy glowered and positioned himself right in front of my son, cutting off any escape route.

    "Those are the rules," he breathed.

    "What do you mean?" Dennis demanded sharply. "This was only a game."

    "Those are the rules," the boy insisted. "Well?" he added when the money didn't immediately seem to be forthcoming. He held out his hand.

    Dennis clutched his coins tightly against his body, but then seemed to resign himself in the situation and moved as if to give the other boy what he wanted. However, as the older boy greedily reached out his hand, Dennis's hand suddenly clenched into a fist and he hit the other squarely on the jaw. The boy was knocked straight off his feet, but before he landed on the muddy alley floor his head struck the wall behind him with a dull thud. For a few moments nobody moved, the scene completely frozen as if in a film that had been paused. Then one of the other children scurried to the boy's side and examined him. With an awful blank expression he looked up and shook his head. Unintentionally Dennis had just killed his first human being.

    He began to shiver as the realisation started to sink in, his hand still clenched into a fist held at the point where he had struck the other boy. The kid who had examined the body quickly emptied the bully's pockets and in a surprising gesture offered them to Dennis. Trembling my son opened his hand and let the coins fall into his palm, but the next moment he threw everything away from him and dashed out of the alley. Fortunately, he was running towards me. The moment he emerged from the shadows I grabbed his arm, making him look up at me in fear and grief. Surprise crept into his expression as he recognized me, then the tears came and he clutched at me for comfort.

    "There, there," I said softly, stroking his hair, "I think you're through playing around here."

    Meanwhile, my appearance had made most of the kids dodge out of sight. Laura was still there, though, looking at me in uncertainty and doubt. I cast an angry glance at her to convey that she was already in trouble and shouldn't even consider making things worse by running away again. It would appear that she had enough sense to know I wasn't kidding: a few moments later she appeared beside her grief-struck brother.

    "It was only a game," she said defiantly to the stern look I gave her.

    "I'm sure your playmate wouldn't agree," I said darkly. "He won't be playing with anyone no more." I immediately cursed myself for my callousness which brought confusion and dismay to Laura's face and raised another volley of sobs from her already quite disconsolate brother. I heaved a sigh and reached down to take him in my arms. As he burried his tear-streaked face against my shoulder, I said: "We'd better talk about this back home. This is neither the place nor the time." With Dennis on my arm and Laura's small hand clutched in my own I started back to the castle. There would be some punishment for both of them, although I doubted whether anything could add to the grief Dennis had already experienced. I would see to it, though, that they would think twice in the future about sneaking off on their own, and I would make certain that Laura handed over the money she had taken, lest she got the idea that there was actually something to gain from this kind of behaviour. Those were all short term arrangements, though.  Something also had to be done to take better care of things in the long run and there was only one thing for it: I had to spend much more time on the education of my children than I had so far. Which meant less time for other business, no matter how important people would have me believe it be. I had been negligent in my duty as a parent, leaving everything to Anna as I had till now, and I should count myself lucky that nothing worse had happened. Somewhere along the line I had chosen to have these kids, and although at that time I hadn't fully realised what I was getting myself into, there was nothing for it but to learn to accept all the troubles and pleasures that came with that decision. Parenting is a full-time job and I had been skirting my duties for far too long. It was time for a change.

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